Surgery Jokes / Recent Jokes

A nurse from england was on duty in the emergency department, when a punk rocker entered. This young woman had purple hair styled into a mohawk, a variety of tattoos and strange clothing. It was determined that the patient had acute appendicitis and was scheduled for immediate surgery.
When she was completely disrobed on the operating table, the staff found that her pubic hair had been dyed green and above it was a tattoo reading:"Keep off the grass."
After the prep and the surgery, the surgeon added a small note to the dressing which said: "Sorry, had to mow the lawn."

There once was a redneck and his redneck wife. The wife didn't want another child, and asked the redneck husband to get surgery so he can't impregnate his wife.
The redneck goes to a very expensive doctor. The doctor who is in a hurry and is sure the redneck can't pay for his operation, just hands the redneck a firecracker and says, "Light this, hold it, count to 10." The redneck is confused but the doctor seems to know what he's doing.
The redneck goes home and lights the firecracker. He starts counting with the aid of his fingers... "1...2...3...4...5..." The redneck pauses, puts the firecracker between his legs and resumes counting on the other hand....

A nurse was on duty in the Emergency Room, when a young woman with purple hair styled into a punk rocker Mohawk, sporting a variety of tattoos, and wearing strange clothing, entered. It was quickly determined that the patient had acute appendicitis, so she was scheduled for immediate surgery. When she was completely disrobed on the operating table, the staff noticed that her pubic hair had been dyed green, and above it there was a tattoo that read, "Keep off the grass." Once the surgery was completed, the surgeon wrote a short note on the patient's dressing, which said, "Sorry, had to mow the lawn."

As the lawyer slowly came out of the anesthesia after surgery, he said, "Why are all the blinds drawn, doctor?"

"There's a big fire across the street," the doctor replied. "We didn't want you to think the operation had been a failure."

Two women were having lunch together, and discussing the merits of cosmetic surgery. The first woman says, "I need to be honest with you, I'm getting a boob job." The second woman says "Oh that's nothing, I'm thinking of having my asshole bleached!" To which the first replies, "Whoa I just can't picture your husband as a blonde!"

An (Bahraini) Arab was admitted in the Lilavati Hospital at Mumbai for a heart transplant, but prior to the surgery the doctors needed to store his blood in case need arises.
As the gentleman had a rare type of blood, it couldn’t be found locally. So the call went out to a number of countries. Finally a Gujarati was located who had a similar type of blood.
The Gujarati willingly donated his blood for the Arab. After the surgery, the Arab sent the Gujarati as appreciation for giving his blood, a new Hummer, diamonds, lapiz lazuri jewellery, and a million US dollars.
Once again the Arab had to go through a corrective surgery. His doctor telephoned the Gujarati who was more than happy to donate his blood again.
After the second surgery, the Arab sent the Gujarati a thank you card and a jar of Almond halwa sweets. The Gujarati was shocked to see that the Arab this time did not reciprocate the Gujarati’s kind gesture as he had anticipated.
He phoned the Arab more...

A young woman had her face severely burned in a serious car accident. The doctors were unable to use any skin on her body to graft onto her face for reconstructive surgery, so her husband offered the skin off his butt instead.
The surgery was successful and she was, once again, as beautiful as she was before the accident.
As she and her husband were watching TV together one evening, she broke down crying. "What's the matter, honey?" he asked her. With tears rolling down her cheeks she sobbed, "I can't believe you did this for me."
Putting his arms around her, he replied, "Sweetheart, I love you. I'd do anything for you."
"But how will I ever be able to repay you?" she asked.
"No need to repay me," he said. "You have no idea how much satisfaction I get each time I see your mother kiss you on the cheek!"