Surgery Jokes / Recent Jokes
A 75 year old woman had a vision one night, she saw and spoke to God.
She asked:' God, how much time do I have to live?'
He said,' you have 35 years left.'
So that whole year she had a ton of cosmetic surgery, she had a face lift, a tummy tuck, her nose reshaped, liposuction, she completely did herself over. She figured as long as she was going to live another 35 years she was going to look young again.
After all this was done, that same year she was hit by a car and was killed instantly. When she entered St. Peter's gate she walked over to God and said,' What happened? I thought you said I had another 35 years!'
God replied,' Oh Good grief!!! I DIDN'T RECOGNIZE YOU!'
Santa's wife, Jeeto, got into a terrible car accident. Her face was burned terribly. The doctors couldn't use any skin on her body to graft onto her face for reconstructive surgery.
As a result, Santa offered the skin off his butt for the surgery. She had the surgery and was as beautiful after as she was before the surgery.
One night Jeeto and Santa were watching TV when she broke down crying.
"What's the matter?" Santa asked.
Jeeto said "I can't believe you did this for me."
Santa hugged her and replied, "Don't worry about it, I love you, and I'd do anything for you."
But how will I ever repay you?" she asked.
To which Santa replied, "You don't need to repay me... you wouldn't believe the satisfaction I get every time I see your mom kiss you on the cheek."
A friend of mine had bone marrow cancer in his left leg and his oncologist recommended amputating the leg. After getting a confirming second opinion, my friend agrees to surgery.
When he wakes up, he discovers they've taken the wrong leg. He still has to undergo the amputation which the doctor volunteers to do for free.
After the second surgery, my friend sues but in this world where the most money wins, he loses his suit.
The judge ruled he didn't have a leg to stand on.
French doctors have performed the world's first surgery in near-zero gravity. That's great. We have 40 million uninsured Americans, and the French want to rub our noses in their socialized "space medicine." Bof!
Q: What does "Bones" McCoy say before he performs brain surgery on a blonde?
A: "Space. The final frontier..."
I got the bill for my surgery. Now I know why those doctors were wearing masks.