Surgery Jokes / Recent Jokes

A famous professor of surgery died and went to heaven. At the pearly gate he was asked by the gatekeeper:' Have you ever committed a sin you truly regret?'' Yes,' the professor ansvered.' When I was a young candidate at the hospital of Saint Lucas, we played soccer against at team from the Community Hospital, and I scored a goal, which was off-side. But the referee did not se it so, and the goal won us the match. I regret that now.'' Well,' said the gatekeeper.' That is a very minor sin. You may enter.'' Thank you very much, Saint Peter,' the professor ansvered.' Im am not Saint Peter,' said the gatekeeper.' He is having his lunchbreak. I am Saint Lucas.'

Your surgeon is wearing a mask, but no pants.
There's a dog at the end of the table begging for scraps.
A nurse is wiping the surgeon's forehead with a small animal.
A group of midget interns is observing your surgery from below via a "glass-bottom operating table."
Your I.V. tube appears to be hooked up to a freshwater aquarium.
A group of hooded figures is chanting incantations at the foot of the operating table.
Sinead O'Conner is ripping up your chest X-Ray.
A nurse looking through your wallet exclaims, "Hey-he does have an organ donor card!"
Jeffrey Dahmer is sprinkling paprika on your thighs.
Your doctor is standing on the operating table screaming, "Give my creation life!"
Sitting among the medical students on the other side of the glass viewing window is your wife holding hands with Joey Buttafuco.
The town mortician is measuring your inseam!
You hear a voice on a bullhorn outside the O.R. saying, more...

Banta singh was admitted in a hospital for bypass surgery. He was wheeled into the operation theatre on the appointed day. Banta singh was lying on the operation table. The surgeon asked him "are you ready"?.
Banta sing said "no... no... i am not reddy, i am banta singh".

A married couple was in a terribleaccident where the woman's face was severely burned. The doctor told the husbandthat they couldn't graft any skin from her body because she was too skinny. So thehusband offered to donate some of his own skin. However, the only skin on his body thatthe doctor felt was suitable would have to come from his buttocks.The husband and wife agreed thatthey would tell no one about where the skin came from, and requested that the doctor alsohonor their secret. After all, this was a very delicate matter.After the surgery was completed, everyone was astounded at the woman's new beauty. She looked more beautiful than sheever had before! All her friends and relatives just went on and on about her youthfulbeauty! One day, she was alone with herhusband, and she was overcome with emotion at his sacrifice.She said, "Dear, I just want tothank you for everything you did for me. There is no way I could ever repayyou." "My darling," he more...

When Ralph first noticed that his penis was growing larger and staying erect longer, he was delighted, as was his wife. But after several weeks his penis had grown to nearly twenty inches. Ralph became quite concerned, so he and his wife went to see a prominent urologist.

After an initial examination, the physician explained to the couple that, though rare, Ralph's condition could be cured through corrective surgery.

"How long will Ralph be on crutches?" the wife asked anxiously.

"Crutches? Why would he need crutches?" responded the surprised doctor.

"Well," said the wife coldly, "You ARE planning to lengthen Ralph's legs, aren't you? "

A Man Goes To The Doctor For Surgery. The Man Says To The Doctor "I Am Very Nervous Doctor Because It Is The First Time That I Am Going To Have Surgery"
So The Doctor Replies: "I Understand You Perfectly I Am Nervous Too Since It Is The First Time That I Am Going To Perform Surgery.

One day upon arriving home from work, my wife informed me that she was interested in having breast enlargement surgery. When I asked why, she said, "Because it would improve my self-esteem, and hopefully make me a little more attractive to you."
When I asked her how much it would cost, she said "$3000 per breast."
I exclaimed, "$3000 per breast?! Have you tried the toilet paper method?"
She looked puzzled.
"Sure - each night before you go to bed, rub toilet paper between y our breasts, and over a period of time, they should grow."
She said, "That won't work!"
I replied, "It worked on your ass!"