Telephone Jokes / Recent Jokes

Caller: Operator! Operator! I dont know whats wrong with my phone, but I cant make long distance calls any longer! Operator: Dont worry. Your long distance calls are long enough already!

101. Q: How do you get a blonde to marry you? A: Tell her she's pregnant. 102. Q: How do blondes get pregnant? A: And you thought blondes were dumb. 103. Q: What will she ask you? A: "Is it mine?" 104. Q: Santa Claus, the Tooth Fairy, a dumb blonde, and a smart blonde are walking down the street when they spot a $10 bill. Who picks it up? A: The dumb blonde! because, there is no such thing as Santa Claus, the tooth fairy, or a smart blonde. 105. Q: Why did the blonde scale the chain-link fence? A: To see what was on the other side. 106. Q: What do you do when a blonde throes a hand grenade at you? A: Pull the pin and throw it back. 107. Q: Why do Blondes take the pill? A: So they know what day of the week it is. 108. Q: Why did the blonde stop using the pill? A: Because it kept falling out. 109. Q: But why do brunettes take the pill? A: Wishful Thinking. 110. Q: Why did the blonde have a sore navel? A: Because her boyfriend was also blond! 111. Q: If a blonde and a brunette more...

A woman is in bed with her lover... who also happens to be her husband's best friend. They make passionate love for hours.
Afterwards, they're just laying there, and the telephone rings. Because it's the woman'shouse, she answers it. Her lover listens to her side of the conversation.
"Hello? Oh, hi. So glad you called. Really? That's wonderful. I'm so happy for you. Sounds terrific. Great. Thanks. Okay. Bye-bye."
She hangs up the telephone and her lover asks:"Who was that?" "Oh," she replies, "that was my husband, telling me what a wonderful time he's having on his fishing trip. With you."

Insurance Form Statements... Coming home I drove into the wrong house and collided with a tree I don't have. The other car collided with mine without giving warning of its intention. I thought my window was down, but I found it was up when I put my head through it. I collided with a stationary truck coming the other way. A truck backed through my windshield into my wife's face. The guy was all over the road. I had to swerve a number of times before I hit him. I pulled away from the side of the road, glanced at my mother-in-law and headed over the embankment. In an attempt to kill a fly I drove into a telephone pole. I had been shopping for plants all day and was on my way home. As I reached an intersection a hedge sprang up, obscuring my vision and I did not see the other car. I had been driving for forty years when I fell asleep at the wheel and had an accident. I was on the way to the doctor with rear end trouble when my universal joint gave way causing me to have an accident. As I more...

Santa Singh got up in the middle of the night to answer the telephone.
"Is this one one one one?", says the voice.
"No, this is eleven eleven."
"Are you sure it isn`t one one one one?"
"No, this is eleven eleven."
"Well, wrong number. Sorry to have got you up on the middle of the night."
"That`s all right, mister. I had to get up to answer the telephone anyway."

Once a doctor got a telephone call in the middle of night. The caller sounded very excited. "Doctor, please come at once. My wife is in great pain and I am sure it is appendicitis," he said. The doctor assured him that there was no need to panic. "I will come in the morning, lne man protested, "But doctor, my wife is really serious. The doctor replied, "I took out your wife's appendix two years ago. She can't have another." The caller protested, "That is alright doctor, but now I have got another wife!

It's common practice in England to ring a telephone by sending extra voltage across one side of the two wire circuit and ground (earth in England). When the subscriber answers the phone, it switches to the two wire circuit for the conversation. This method allows two parties on the same line to be signaled without disturbing each other.
Anyway, an elderly lady with several pets called to say that her telephone failed to ring when her friends called; and that on the few occasions when it did ring her dog always barked first. The telephone repairman proceeded to the scene, curious to see this psychic dog.
He climbed a nearby telephone pole, hooked in his test set, and dialed the subscriber's house. The phone didn't ring. He tried again. The dog barked loudly, followed by a ringing telephone.
Climbing down from the pole, the telephone repairman found:
a. The dog was tied to the telephone system's ground post via an iron chain and collar..
b. The dog was receiving 90 more...