Tree Jokes / Recent Jokes

There were two blondes who went deep into the frozen woods
searching for a Christmas tree.
After hours of subzero temperatures and a few close calls with
hungry wolves, one blonde turned to the other and said, "I'm
chopping down the next tree I see. I don't care whether it's
decorated or not!"

one day a priest and a nun were on a camel through a desert, when all of a sudden the camel falls over and dies. so they decide to set up camp under a nearby tree. a couple of days later the priest was moaning and groaning saying that he was going to die. the nun then tried to tell him that he was speaking rubbish. so to cheer him up she asked him if there was anything he would like her to do. so after a minute of thinking the priest said, " well ive never seen a female in the nude. could you take off your clothes?" so the nun did as the priest asked. then she tells the priest that she had never seen a male in the nude either, so she asked him to take off his clothes. so the priest did and as he was standing beside the tree the nun asked the priest what was hanging between his legs. he said, " if i stick this in a female it will create new life". so the nun said, "well, dont worry about sticking it in me, stick it in the camel!

A cruise ship sinks and three men make it to an uninhabited island. The first man, a Christian, tears two branches from a palm tree, creates a cross, and prays to the Lord to be saved from the island. The second man, a Muslim, pulls several fronds from the palm tree, creates a mat, kneels facing Mecca, and prays to Allah to save him. The third man falls asleep under the palm tree. The other two can't understand how this man could remain so calm and serene - and ask him how he could be so at ease. He says, "Two years ago I gave $1, 000, 000 to the Jewish Federation. Last year I gave $2, 000, 000. This year I pledged $3, 000, 000. Don't worry, they'll find me."

How did the blonde try to kill the bird... she threw it off of a cliff. How did the blonde break her leg raking leaves... she fell out of the tree. How did the blonde die, drinking milk... the cow stepped on her. How did the blonde burn her nose... bobbing for french fries. Why does a blonde only change her baby's diapers every month... the instructions stated, "good for up to 20 pounds". Why do blondes have see-through lunch box tops... so they can tell if they are going to work or going home, while on the bus. Why do men like blonde jokes... it is one thing they can understand. Why do blondes like lightning... they think someone is taking their picture. Why do blondes have little holes all over their faces... from eating with forks. Why do blondes have more fun... they are easier to keep amused. What do you call a brunette with a blonde on both sides... an interpreter. What do you call 20 blondes in a freezer... frosted flakes. What do you call a fly buzzing inside a more...

A construction site boss was interviewing men for a job, when along came Boudreaux. The boss thought to himself, "I'm not hiring that ole lazy cajun..."

He decided to set a test for Boudreaux, hoping he wouldn't be able to answer the questions, and he'd be able to refuse him the job without any problems.

The first question the boss asked was, "Without using numbers, represent the number 9." Boudreaux says, "Dat's easy," and draws three oak trees. The boss says, "What the hell's that?" Boudreaux says, "Tree' n' tree' n' tree makes nine."

The boss says, "Fair enough." "Second question, same rules, but this time represent 99."

Boudreaux stares into space for a while, then makes a smudge on each tree. "Dere ya go, sir," he says. The boss scratches his head and asks, "How on earth do you get that to represent 99?" Boudreaux says, "Each tree is dirty more...

One day O'Leary decided to visit his friend Paddy and ask him for a favour.
"Paddy my friend", he said. "I'm going on holiday for a few weeks an I wanted to know if you could come around a couple a times a day to check up on me elderly ma, an feed me cat".
"No problem", replied Paddy. "You go an have a good time".
So the next day O'Leary left and headed for sunny Florida. However, after a week of him being there, he received a phone call from Paddy. "Everything's ok over here", Paddy said.
"Except you're cat. It's dead"!
"oly ell", replied O'Leary. "You could have been a bit more sensitive Paddy"!
"What do you mean?", replied Paddy.
"Well, one day you could have rang me up and told me that my cat has climbed the tree. The next day you could tell me that it has gone even higher up the tree and refuses to come down. On the third day you could tell me that the cat more...

One day O'Leary decided to visit his friend Paddy and ask him for a favour."Paddy my friend", he said. "I'm going on holiday for a few weeks an I wanted to know if you could come around a couple a times a day to check up on me elderly ma, an feed me cat"."No problem", replied Paddy. "You go an have a good time".So the next day O'Leary left and headed for sunny Florida. However, after a week of him being there, he received a phone call from Paddy. "Everything's ok over here", Paddy said."Except you're cat. It's dead"!"oly ell", replied O'Leary. "You could have been a bit more sensitive Paddy"!"What do you mean?", replied Paddy."Well, one day you could have rang me up and told me that my cat has climbed the tree. The next day you could tell me that it has gone even higher up the tree and refuses to come down. On the third day you could tell me that the cat lost its grip and fell from the tree more...