Tune Jokes / Recent Jokes

To be sung to the tune of Walkin' in a Winter Wonderland Lacy things - the girlfriend's missin',
Didn't ask - her permission,
I'm wearin' her clothes,
Her silk pantyhose,
Walkin' round in women's underwear.
In the store - there's a teddy,
Little straps - like spaghetti,
It holds me so tight,
Like handcuffs at night,
Walkin' round in women's underwear.
In the office there's a guy named Melvin,
He pretends that I am Murphy Brown.
He'll say, "Are you ready?" We'll say,"Whoa, Man!"
"Let's wait until our women are out of town!"
Later on, if you wanna,
We can dress - like Madonna,
Put on some eyeshade,
And join the parade,
Walkin' round in women's underwear!
Lacy things - the girlfriend's missin',
Didn't ask - her permission,
I'm wearin' her clothes,
Her silk pantyhose,
Walkin' round in women's underwear,
Walkin' round in women's more...

Star Trek Carols
Jean-Luc Picard (to the tune of ''Let It Snow'')
Oh, the vacuum outside is endless,
Unforgiving, cold, and friendless,
But still we must boldly go-
Make it so, make it so, make it so!
William Riker: (to the tune of ''Deck the Halls'')
Here's a vexing Christmas riddle:
(Fa-la-la-la-la, la-la, la la)
Why must I play second fiddle?
(Fa-la-la-la-la, la-la, la la)
How can I impress Deanna
(Fa-la-la, la-la-la, la la la)
When I'm number two banana?
(Fa-la-la-la-la, la-la, la la)
Wesley Crusher: (to the tune of ''God Rest Ye Merry Gentlemen'')
I'm at Starfleet Academy,
And I'd just like to say
I miss the opportunity
To weekly save the day-
To make things worse, I have to be
In some dumb Christmas play!
Yes, I'm bright, though I'm just a teenaged boy,
Only a boy,
And the Enterprise was my most favourite toy!
Data: (to the tune of ''Jingle Bells'')
Jingle Bells, Jingle more...

Lady Reading seldom lost her Viceregal poise and attended every function in spite of failing health, but she had her own sense of humour. One evening, when the Viceroy's orchestra was performing during dinner, she enquired the title of the dance tune which was being played. No one could remember. So her ADC was sent to ask the bandmaster.
The conversation at the table changed to another subject during the ADC's absence. He slipped into his seat on his return and waited for an opportunity to impart his information. At the next silence he leant forward to catch Lady Reading's eye and in a penetrating voice, said,' I will remember your kisses, your Excellency, when you have forgotten my name.'

What do you get if you cross a fruit with a Welshman? A taffy apple. Two little old ladies were walking through the park one Sunday afternoon. The band was playing a catchy sounding tune, and one of the old ladies said, "I wonder what the name of that tune is". The other one noticed a sign posted near the bandstand and said, "It looks like they post the names of their selections. I`ll go down and see". A while later she came back and told her companion, "It`s the Refrain from Spitting".

A husband and wife are getting all snugly in bed and the passion is really heating up. Suddenly, the wife stops cold and says, "I don't feel like it. I just want you to hold me."
"WHAT?!?" exclaims the husband.
The wife explains that he must not be in tune with her emotional needs as a woman. The husband realizes that nothing is going to happen tonight, so he might as well just deal with it.
The next day, the husband takes her shopping at a large department store. He walks around and has her try on three very expensive outfits. "We'll take all three of them," he tells her.
He then goes to the Shoe Department and gets matching shoes worth $200 each. Next, he heads to the Jewelry Department and picks out a pair of diamond earrings. The wife is very excited, sure that her husband has flipped out but she doesn't care. She goes for the tennis bracelet.
"You don't even play tennis," he says, "but, ok, if you like it that much, more...

A husband and wife are getting all snugly in bed. The passion is heating up. But then the wife stops and says, "I don' t feel like it. I just want you to hold me."
The husband says, "What?!!!"
The wife explains that he must not be in tune with her emotional needs as a woman. The husband realizes that nothing is going to happen tonight and he might as well deal with it.
So the next day the husband takes her shopping at a big department store. He walks around and has her try on three very expensive outfits. He then tells his wife, "they all look great, we'll buy all three of them."
Then he goes over and gets matching shoes worth $300 each. And then goes to the jewelry department and gets a set of diamond earrings. The wife is so excited, and trying to take advantage of her husband's generous mood, she goes for the tennis bracelet.
The husband says, "You don't even play tennis, but if you really like it then let's get more...

A husband and wife are getting all snugly in bed. Their passion is heating up. Then the wife stops and says: "I don't feel like it, I just want you to hold me."
The husband says: "WHAT??" The wife explains that he must not be in tune with her emotional needs as a woman. The husband realizes that nothing is going to happen and he might as well deal with it.
The next day the husband takes his wife shopping at a big department store. He walks around and has her try on three very expensive outfits. She can't decide. He tells his wife to take all three of them. Then they go over and get matching shoes worth $200 each. Then they go to the jewelry department where she gets a set of diamond earrings.
The wife is so excited. She thinks her husband has flipped out. She goes for the tennis bracelet. The husband says: "You don't even play tennis, but OK if you like it, then let's get it." The wife jumps up and down, so excited she cannot even believe more...