Wanted Jokes / Recent Jokes

An old couple were sitting in their living room on a Sunday morning watching a religious program.The preacher on this show would go to all the people in the audience and asking them what they wanted fixed, then he would have them cover the part of their body they wanted fixed.Many of the people were elderly so they were covering their eyes and hearts. Then the preacher said "Ok now for you at home put your hand on the part of your body you want fixed and say this prayer with me."So the little old lady put her hand on her heart, because she had a very bad heart. And the little old man put his hands on his crotch.The little old lady turned to her husband and said "He said he could heal the sick, not raise the dead!"

Have you heard about the five young bulls standing in the pasture discussing what they wanted to be when they grew up?
The first said he wanted to go to Rome and become a papal bull.
The second said he wanted to go to New York and become a bull on Wall Street.
The third wanted to go to the windy city to become a Chicago Bull.
The fourth said he wanted to go to Beijing and be a bull in a China shop.
The fifth said he was just going to stay in the pasture for heifer and heifer and heifer.

I always wanted to be somebody, but I should have been more specific.

An elementary school class goes on a field trip to the police station. The Officer points to the 10 MOST WANTED list and tells them that these are the most wanted fugitives in the USA.
Little Boy says " He is the MOST WANTED in the USA?!"
Officer says "Yes."
Little Boy asks "Why didn't you keep him when you took his picture?"

A couple had been debating buying a vehicle for weeks. He wanted a truck and she wanted a fast little sports car so she could zip through traffic around town.He would probably have settled on any beat up old truck, but everything she seemed to like was way out of their price range. "Look!" she said, "I want something that goes from 0 to 200 in just a few seconds. My birthday is coming up so surprise me!"He did just that.For her birthday he bought her a brand new bathroom scale.Nobody has seen or heard from him since.

"How did it happen?" the doctor asked the middle-aged farmhand as he setthe man's broken leg." Well, doc, 25 years ago. ..""Never mind the past. Tell me how you broke your leg this morning." "Like I was saying... 25 years ago, when I first started working on thefarm, that night, right after I'd gone to bed, the farmer's beautifuldaughter came into my room. She asked me if there was anything I wanted. I said no, everything is fine. "Are you sure?", she asked. "I'm sure, I said. "Isn't there anything I can do for you?" she wanted to know." I reckon not" I replied. .."Excuse me," said the doctor, "What does this story have to do with your leg?" "Well, this morning," the farmhand explained, "when it dawned on me whatshe meant, I fell off the roof!"

Three young college students are on vacation in Washington, DC. One day they are walking together past the White House when they hear the voice of a man crying out, "Help, Help."
Quickly, they respond to the call by leaping over the White House fence, and by following the cries, they eventually come upon George Dubya, drowning in the White House swimming pool. In an heroic rush, they pull him from the pool, then give him CPR, clearly saving his life.
After a few minutes, Dubya says to them, "Well, boys, today you saved my life! And I am willing to give each of you any wish you desire, as long as it is within my power as President!"
The first fellow thinks for a few seconds then says, "I've always wanted to go to West Point. Can you get me an appointment?"
"You bet!" said the President, "I'll sign the papers this afternoon!"
Then the second fellow said, "I've always wanted to go to Annapolis. Can you get me more...