Wanted Jokes / Recent Jokes

A woman entered a department store and told the clerk that she wanted to return a coffee maker for refund because it didn't work. The clerk told her that he couldn't give her a refund because she bought it on special.
All of a sudden the woman threw her arms up and yelled, "Grab my Breasts! Grab my breasts!"
The clerk didn't know what to do, so he called the store manager who asked her if he could help.
She explained that she wanted to return the coffee maker for refund because it didn't work, and he told her that he would not give her a refund because she bought it on special.
Once again she yelled, "Grab my breasts! Grab my breasts!"
The manager was taken aback and asked her why she was yelling that particular phrase.
She replied, "Because I like my breasts grabbed when I'm getting screwed!"

Sam was a clerk in a small drugstore, but wasn't much of a salesman since he could never find the items the customers wanted. The store owner warned him that the next sale he missed would be his last.
Just then, a man came in coughing and asked Sam for their best cough syrup. As usual, Sam couldn't find any cough syrup. Remembering what his boss had said, he sold the man a box of Ex-Lax and told him to take the entire box all at once. The customer immediately consumed the entire box in the store, went outside and leaned against a pole.
Having seen the whole thing, the owner came over and asked Sam what had happened.
"The man wanted something for his cough, but I couldn't find the cough syrup," Sam explained. "I substituted it with Ex-Lax and told him to take all of it at once."
"You idiot!" shouted the angry owner. "Ex-Lax won't cure a cough!"
"Really?" Sam replied, pointing to the customer leaning against the pole. more...

Why was the moron hitting his head against the wall?
Because it felt so good when he stopped!
What do you call 12 morons at the bottom of a pool?
An air pocket!
Why did the moron drive his truck off the bridge?
He wanted to check his airbrakes!
How many morons does it take to screw in a light bulb?
3...one to hold the bulb, and 2 to turn the chair!
Why did the moron open the refrigerator door?
He wanted to see the salad dressing!
How do you confuse a moron?
Put him in a round room and tell him to sit in the corner!

A woman was out golfing one day when she hit her ball into the woods. She went into the woods to look for it and found a frog in a trap.
The frog said to her, "If you release me from this trap, I will grant you 3 wishes." She did and the frog said, "Thank you, but I failed to mention that there is a condition to your wishes. Whatever you wish for, your husband will get 10 times more or better!"
The woman said, "That's okay." For her first wish, she wanted to be the most beautiful woman in the world.
The frog warned her, "You do realize that this wish will also make your husband the most handsome man in the world, and women will flock to him."
The woman replied, " That's okay, because I will be the most beautiful woman, and he will only have eyes for me." So, KAZAM - she became the most beautiful woman in the world!
For her second wish, she wanted to be the richest woman in the world. The frog said, "That more...

An old couple were sitting in their living room on a Sunday morning watching a religious program.
The preacher on this show would go to all the people in the audience and asking them what they wanted fixed, then he would have them cover the part of their body they wanted fixed.
Many of the people were elderly so they were covering their eyes and hearts. Then the preacher said "Ok now for you at home put your hand on the part of your body you want fixed and say this prayer with me."
So the little old lady put her hand on her heart, because she had a very bad heart. And the little old man put his hands on his crotch.
The little old lady turned to her husband and said "He said he could heal the sick, not raise the dead!"

I always wanted to be a procrastinator... I just never got around to it.

A teacher asked her students to use the word "fascinate" in a sentence. Mary said, "My family went to the New York City Zoo, and we saw all the animals. It was fascinating." The teacher said, "That was good, Mary, but I wanted you to use the word' fascinate.'" Sally raised her hand and said, "My family went to the Philadelphia Zoo and saw the animals. I was fascinated." The teacher said, "Good Sally, but I wanted you to use the word' fascinate.'" Little Johnny raised his hand. The teacher hesitated because Johnny was notorious for his bad language. She finally decided there was no way he could damage the word "fascinate," so she called on him. Johnny said loudly, "My sister has a sweater with 10 buttons." The teacher said, "That was good, Johnny. However, you did not use the word' fascinate' in your sentence." Little Johnny continued, "But her boobs are so big, she can only fasten eight!"