Wonder Jokes / Recent Jokes
Superman is flying through the skys of metropolis and he thinks to himself "im feeling kinda horny!"just as he thinks that he sees wonder woman sunbathing naked, he thinks BINGO!!"I can fuck her without her knowing!"So he flies down does the buisness and flies off, wonder woman sits up with a startled look on her face and she says "What was that?"then the invisible man says "I dont know but my arse is killing me!"
A dog is the only thing on earth that loves you more than he loves himself.
An aquarium is just interactive television for cats.
Buy a dog a toy and it will play with it for ever. Buy a cat a present and it will play with the wrapper for 10 minutes.
Cat's motto: No matter what you've done wrong, always try to make it look like the dog did it.
Although cats are rather delicate creatures and they are subject to a good many ailments, I never heard of one who suffered from insomnia.
Dogs and cats instinctively know the exact moment their owners will wake up. Then they wake them 10 minutes sooner.
Dogs have owners. Cats have staff.
Dogs believe they are human. Cats believe they are God.
Dogs may shed, but cats shred.
Don't accept your dog's admiration as conclusive evidence that you are wonderful
I had to get rid of my husband. The cat was allergic.
I hope to be the kind of person my dog thinks I am.
I wonder if other dogs think more...
A store that sells husbands has just opened where a woman may go to choose a husband from among many men. The store is composed of 6 floors, and the men increase in positive attributes as the shopper ascends the flights.
There is, however, a catch. As you open the door to any floor you may choose a man from that floor, but if you go up a floor, you cannot go back down except to exit the building.
So a woman goes to the shopping center to find a husband.
On the first floor the sign on the door reads:
Floor 1 - These men have jobs.
The woman reads the sign and says to herself, "Well, that's better than my last boyfriend, but I wonder what's further up?" So up she goes.
The second floor sign reads:
Floor 2 - These men have jobs and love kids.
The woman remarks to herself, "That's great, but I wonder what's further up?" And up she goes again.
The third floor sign reads:
Floor 3 - These men have jobs, love kids and are more...
One night in Metropolis, Superman was sitting at home, extremely bored and was wanting to have a quick fling.
Upon realizing that he in fact had super powers he decided to start flying around to find a suitable "partner"
After flying around for an hour Superman spotted Wonder Woman completely naked and groaning with pleasure on her bed in front of an open window.
Since he was faster than a speeding bullet he decided to quickly fly down there have sex with her and fly away
Immediately after Superman flew away, Wonder Woman sat up and said, "Did you feel that?"
"No," said the Invisible Man, "but my ass is killing me."
Flash - New Weapon in America's Arsenal - Dubbed' The Chicken Gun'Senate majority leader Howard H. Baker Jr., expressed astonishment to the Senate, over recent news accounts of an Air Force "chicken gun."It seems the gun is a converted 20-foot cannon capable of hurling dead four-pound chickens at airplanes at 700 miles per hour. .. The armament is used to help find ways to reduce accidents caused by jets hitting birds."My first reaction to this story was one of bitterness," Baker told colleagues."I wonder why a' special classified briefing' had not been set up for members of Congress on the new chicken gun and I wondered if Secretary of Defense Casper Weinberger was planning one."Baker also wondered aloud "how far along the Soviet Union is with the deployment of their' chicken gun', and how will our Minuteman, Midgetman and Sparrow missles get along with this new weapon..."Baker went on to wonder if the Navy might be working on it's own version more...
Question: Why did the chicken cross the road?
Aristotle: To actualize its potential.
Roseanne Barr: Urrrrrp. What chicken?
Roland Barthes: The chicken wanted to expose the myth of the road,
Ludvig von Beethoven: What? Speak up.
Leopold Bloom: Wonder why chickens cross roads. Must be some law. Migration maybe. Mrs Marion Bloom.
Molly Bloom: The chicken crossed the road well Poldy I dont know why why do you worry about such stupid bloody things O speaking of stupid bloody things here it comes again damn it its only been three weeks I wonder is there something wrong with me yes
George Bush: To face a kinder, gentler thousand points of headlights.
Julius Caesar: To come, to see, to conquer.
Candide: To cultivate its garden.
Bill the Cat: Oop Ack.
Buddha: If you ask this question, you deny your own chicken-nature.
Joseph Conrad: Mistah Chicken, he dead.
Howard Cosell: It may very well have been one of the most astonishing events to grace more...