"Jewish Mothers" joke
Three Jewish mothers met for lunch:
"Oi, Oi, have I had a week!" The first cried, "On Monday my daughter's husband of 15 years, the father of my three grandchildren announces he's leaving her for another woman!"
"You think you got problems?" Exclaimed the second lady, "My son has left his wife to set up home with the man next door!"
"That's nothing!" Declared the third, "I've lost my cleaner!"
Bob and Martha have been married for 15 years. Every morning for 15 years, Bob wakes up, farts loudly, rolls over onto his back and gets up for work.
Every morning for 15 years, Martha says, "One of these days, you're gonna fart your guts more...
A man walked up to a farmer's house, and knocked on the door. When the farmer's wife opened the door, the man asked if she knew how to have sex. Not amused, she slammed the door.Again, the man knocked, and again, he asked the same question. Again, she slammed the door and more...
Three men were waiting outside a pub for it to open so they could have drink when a policeman came upto them and asked why they were waiting there. The men told him they were waiting for it to open and he told them that the new owners couldn't open it till they had thought of more...
There was this Christian lady who had to do a lot of traveling for her business so she did a lot of flying. But flying made her nervous so she always took her Bible along with her to read and it helped relax her. One time she was sitting next to a man. When he saw her pull out more...
Our secretary heard this during a talent show at a retirement village.
A retirement village decided to hold a Singles Dance, at which this
very sweet 90-year-old gentleman met a very sweet 90-year-old lady,
and they danced and talked and laughed, and just hit it off more...