"TO MY DEAR WIFE," joke

TO MY DEAR WIFE,
>>>>>>>>>>>>>
>>>>>>>>>>>>> During the past year I have tried to
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>make love to you 365
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>> times. I
>>>>>>>>>>>>> have
>>>>>>>>>>>>> succeeded 36 times, which is an average
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>of once every ten days.
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>> The
>>>>>>>>>>>>> following is a list of why I did not
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>succeed more often:
>>>>>>>>>>>>>
>>>>>>>>>>>>> 54 times the sheets were clean
>>>>>>>>>>>>>> 17 times it was too late
>>>>>>>>>>>>>> 49 times you were too tired
>>>>>>>>>>>>>> 20 times it was too hot
>>>>>>>>>>>>>> 15 times you pretended to be asleep
>>>>>>>>>>>>> 22 times you had a headache
>>>>>>>>>>>>>> 17 times you were afraid of waking
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>the baby
>>>>>>>>>>>>> 16 times you said you were too sore
>>>>>>>>>>>>> 12 times it was the wrong time of the
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>month
>>>>>>>>>>>>> 19 times you had to get up early
>>>>>>>>>>>>> 9 times you said weren't in the mood
>>>>>>>>>>>>> 7 times you were sunburned
>>>>>>>>>>>>> 6 times you were watching the late
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>show
>>>>>>>>>>>>> 5 times you didn't want to muss your
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>new hair-do
>>>>>>>>>>>>> 3 times you said the neighbors would
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>hear us
>>>>>>>>>>>>> 9 times you said your mother would
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>hear us
>>>>>>>>>>>>>
>>>>>>>>>>>>> Of the 36 times I did succeed, the
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>activity was not
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>> satisfactory
>>>>>>>>>>>>> because 6
>>>>>>>>>>>>> times you just layed there,
>>>>>>>>>>>>> 8 times you reminded me there's a
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>crack in
>>>>>>>>>>>>> the
>>>>>>>>>>>>> ceiling, 4 times you told me to hurry
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>up and get it over with,
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>> 7
>>>>>>>>>>>>> times
>>>>>>>>>>>>> I
>>>>>>>>>>>>> had to wake you and tell you I
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>finished, and one time I was
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>> afraid
>>>>>>>>>>>>> I
>>>>>>>>>>>>>> had
>>>>>>>>>>>>> hurt you because I felt you move.
>>>>>>>>>>>>>
>>>>>>>>>>>>> TO MY DEAR HUSBAND:
>>>>>>>>>>>>>
>>>>>>>>>>>>> I think you have things a little
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>confused. Here are the
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>> reasons
>>>>>>>>>>>>> you
>>>>>>>>>>>>> didn't get more than you did:
>>>>>>>>>>>>>
>>>>>>>>>>>>> 5 times you came home drunk and
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>tried to fuck the cat
>>>>>>>>>>>>> 36 times you did not come home at all
>>>>>>>>>>>>>> 21 times you didn't cum
>>>>>>>>>>>>>> 33 times you came too soon
>>>>>>>>>>>>> 19 times you went soft before you got
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>in
>>>>>>>>>>>>> 38 times you worked too late
>>>>>>>>>>>>> 10 times you got cramps in your toes
>>>>>>>>>>>>> 29 times you had to get up early to
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>play golf
>>>>>>>>>>>>> 2 times you were in a fight and
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>someone kicked you in the
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>> balls
>>>>>>>>>>>>> 4 times you got it stuck in your
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>zipper
>>>>>>>>>>>>> 3 times you had a cold and your nose
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>was running
>>>>>>>>>>>>> 2 times you had a splinter in your
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>finger
>>>>>>>>>>>>> 20 times you lost the notion after
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>thinking about it all day
>>>>>>>>>>>>> 6 times you came in your pajamas
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>while reading a dirty book
>>>>>>>>>>>>> 98 times you were too busy watching
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>football, baseball,
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>> etc. on TV
>>>>>>>>>>>>>
>>>>>>>>>>>>> Of the times we did get together the
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>reason I laid still was
>>>>>>>>>>>>> because
>>>>>>>>>>>>>you
>>>>>>>>>>>>> missed and were fucking the sheets. I
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>wasn't talking about
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>> the
>>>>>>>>>>>>> crack
>>>>>>>>>>>>> in
>>>>>>>>>>>>> the ceiling, what I said was, "would
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>you prefer me on my back
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>> or
>>>>>>>>>>>>> kneeling?" The time you felt me move
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>was because you farted
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>> and I
>>>>>>>>>>>>> was
>>>>>>>>>>>>> trying to breathe.