Curse Jokes / Recent Jokes

"Pardon me," said a transatlantic traveler to his neighbor, "but I couldn't help noticing the diamond you're wearing on your finger."

"Thank you, replied the expensively dressed young woman next to him. "It's the Culbertson Diamond. you may have heard of it - it comes with a curse."

"What curse?" the traveler asked.

The woman sighed. "Mr. Cultertson."

Two women were sitting together on an airplane. The younger woman turns to the other and says, "I don't mean to stare but your diamond ring is gorgeous. I don't think I ever saw such a large stone." The older woman said, "it's a very special ring; it comes with a curse!" "Oh my, what kind of curse" said the naive young woman. This ring comes with. ..Mr. Plopnick.

An old man goes to the Wizard to ask him if he can remove a curse he has been living with for the last 40 years.

The Wizard says, "Maybe, but you will have to tell me the exact words that were used to put the curse on you."

The old man says without hesitation, "I now pronounce you man and wife."

A Chap walks up to another chap and says:
Chap - You're Merlin aren't you?
Merlin - Why yes. . it's nice to be recognised!
Chap - Bit of a Wizard. . I hear?
Merlin - Well Yes. . I've been told I'm skilled
Chap - Do tricks and things. . don't ya.. Magical stuff?
Merlin - Magical. .. yes that's correct
Chap - Turn Kings into Frogs. . and that sort of thing. . Is that right
Merlin - Well Yes. . I suppose I could Turn a King into a Frog!
Chap - Ever Mucked up. . Ya know, made a mistake?
Merlin - Well Yes. .. hasn't everyone?
Chap - Can you reverse a curse?
Merlin - Yes I can. .. with knowledge of who applied the Curse and the actual words of enchantment, I could do it. ... Why?
Chap - I'm Cursed
Merlin - Really. .. and how long have you been bewitched?
Chap - Years.....
Merlin - Do you know the words spoken over you to lay this curse?
Chap - Yeah. . can't forget them!
Merlin - What were more...

Extracted from US news papers:
---------------------------
In Detroit, the lawyer for accused murderer Rondelle Woods, 23, delivered part of his closing
argument to the jury in rap:' Went to a party, sweet 16, decided to stay on the scene.' Woods was
acquitted. But in Las Vegas in December, Eric Clark, 22, pleaded with the judge, in rap for a light
sentence:' I'm sellin' dope, and I as gettin' paid too blind to see how I was gettin' played.' He
got 23 years. - Universal Press Syndicate
-------------------
A Tokyo company, Juonsha, recently began offering a mail-order curse kit, featuring a straw doll to
represent the hexee, along with eight accessories, including nails, a curse manual, and a
curse-blocking doll to ward off return curses. The company at first marketed to boys and girls
bullied at school, but discovered the major market is women who hope to put spells on neighbors,
in-laws and more...

(Obviously sung to the tune of
the Battle Hymn of the Republic)


Mine eyes have seen the Teletubby
And his cutsey little purse.
He wears a purple outfit,
And, dear friends, what's even worse,
He doesn't scratch or spit or belch,
He doesn't even curse.
What kind of guy is he?

CHORUS
Tinky Winky is a fairy.
Moral Morons must be wary.
Ignorance like their's is scary.
And Tinky Winky's gay.

I have seen his little triangle
Where it sits upon his head,
And we all know it's a symbol
For the shame that can't be said.
Now we have to purge this danger
Or our little boys will wed
A wife whose name is Ed.

CHORUS

His defenders say his purse is nothing
But a magic little bag.
That's a cover-up, as we all know,
He's just a little fag!
We cannot let a Teletubby
Appear in purple drag,
Moron more...

An old man goes to the Wizard to ask him if he can remove a "Curse" he has been living with for the last 40 years. The Wizard says "maybe, but you will have to tell me the exact words that were used to put the curse on you." The old man says without hesitation "I now pronounce you man and wife".