2007 Jokes

Saturday, October 13. 2007 What did the little ghost eat for lunch? A booloney sandwich!

Many a true word is spoken in jest but.............
Scenario: Johnny and Mark get into a fistfight after school.

1977 - Crowd gathers. Mark wins. Johnny and Mark shake hands and end up mates.

2007 - Police are called, Armed Response Unit arrives and arrests Johnny and Mark. Mobiles with video of fight confiscated as evidence. They are charged with assault, ASBOs are taken out and both are suspended even though Johnny started it. Diversionary conferences and parent meetings conducted. Video shown on 6 internet sites.

Scenario: Jeffrey won't sit still in class, disrupts other students.

1977 - Jeffrey is sent to the principal's office and given 6 of the best. Returns to class, sits still and does not disrupt class again.

2007 - Jeffrey is given huge doses of Ritalin. Counseled to death. Becomes a zombie. Tested for ADD. School gets extra funding because Jeffrey has a disability. Drops out of school.

Scenario: Billy more...

I'm trying to be optimistic, but I'm pretty sure this news is going to overshadow my prediction for the coming year, which is that there will be a "mass emailing" late in 2007. My prediction also involves terrorists, but my terrorists are much less concerned about religious extremism and much more concernced about erectile dysfunction.
Much like Pat Robertson, Jesus told me that this would happen. And then he tried to sell me a bottle of Adderol for $1.27. What a ripoff! Buddha totally undercut him with an amazing offer of $0.78 for a crate. It's like I always say, when you get deities competing in a free market, everybody wins.

Kirstie Alley will be rewarded with yet another reality show, for 2010.
She's almost there; she weighed in today at 2007 and 3/4.

A few months ago, I upgraded from DrinkingMates 4. 2 to Girlfriend 1. 0…
… which I had been told for years wouldn’t give me any trouble. However, there are apparently conflicts between these two products and the only solution was to try to run Girlfriend 1. 0 with the sound turned off.
To make matters worse, Girlfriend 1. 0 is incompatible with several other applications, such as LadsNightOut 3. 1, Football 4. 5, and Playboy 6. 9. Successive versions of Girlfriend 1. 0 (i. e. 1. 001 thru 1. 999) proved no better!
I tried a shareware program, Slapper 2. 1, but it had many bugs and left a virus in my system, forcing me to shut down completely for several weeks.
Eventually, I tried to run the new Girlfriend 1. 2 and Girlfriend 1. 0 at the same time, only to discover that when these two systems detected each other they caused severe damage to my hardware.
I eventually upgraded to Fiancée 1. 0, only to discover that this product soon had to be upgraded more...