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TRAVELLER'S TALES
 
 
IN THE LOBBY OF A MOSCOW HOTEL ACROSS FROM A RUSSIAN ORTHODOX MONASTERY:
"You are welcome to visit the cemetery where famous Russian and Soviet
  composers, artists, and writers are buried daily except Thursday."
IN A HOTEL IN ATHENS:
 "Visitors are expected to complain at the officebetween the hours of 9 and 11 a. m. daily."
IN A JAPANESE HOTEL:
"You are invited to take advantage of the chambermaid."
IN A BANGKOK DRY CLEANER'S:
Drop your trousers here for best results.
IN A NORWEGIAN COCKTAIL LOUNGE:
Ladies are requested not to have childrenin the bar.
AT A BUDAPEST ZOO:
Please do not feed the animals. If you have anysuitable food, give it to the guard on duty.
IN THE OFFICE OF A ROMAN DOCTOR:
Specialist in women and other diseases.
IN A CZECHOSLOVAKIAN TOURIST AGENCY:
Take one of our horse-driven citytours. We guarantee no more...

A young woman who was several months pregnant boarded a bus. When she noticed a young man smiling at her she began feeling humiliated on account of her condition. She changed her seat and he seemed more amused. She moved again, and then on her fourth move he burst out laughing. She had him arrested. When the case came before the court, this was the man's reply when asked why he acted in such a manner.
"When the lady boarded the bus I couldn't help noticing she was pregnant. She sat under an advertisement which read "Coming Soon The Gold Dust Twins", then she moved under one that read "Sloans Liniments Remove Swelling". I was even more amused when she sat under a shaving advertisement which read "William Stick Did The Trick". Then I could not control myself any longer when on the fourth move she sat under an advertisement which read "Dunlop Rubber would have prevented this accident."

25 facts of life1. The badness of a movie is directly proportional to the number of helicopters in it.2. You will never find anybody who can give you a clear and compelling reason why we observe daylight-saving time.3. People who feel the need to tell you that they have an excellent sense of humor are telling you that they have no sense of humor.4. The most valuable function performed by the federal government is entertainment.5. You should never say anything to a woman that even remotely suggests you think she's pregnant unless you can see an actual baby emerging from her at that moment.6. A penny saved is worthless.7. They can hold all the peace talks they want, but there will never be peace in the Middle East. Billions of years from now, when Earth is hurtling toward the Sun and there is nothing left alive on the planet except a few microorganisms, the microorganisms living in the Middle East will be bitter enemies.8. The most powerful force in the universe is gossip.9. The one more...

In a Tokyo hotel: Is forbidden to steal hotel towels please. If you are not a person to do such thing is please not to read notice. In a Japanese hotel: You are invited to take advantage of the chambermaid. In another Japanese hotel room: Please to bathe inside the tub. Alongside a Hong Kong tailor shop: Ladies may have a fit upstairs. At a Bangkok dry cleaners: Drop your trousers here for best results. Advertisement for donkey rides in Thailand: Would you like to ride on your own ass? In an advertisement by a Hong Kong dentist: Teeth extracted by the latest Methodists. At a Tokyo shop: Our nylons cost more than common, but you'll find they are best in the long run. A Japanese information booklet about using a hotel air conditioner: Coolers and Heaters: If you want just condition of warm in your room, please control yourself. From a brochure of a car rental firm in Tokyo: When passenger of foot heave in sight, tootle the horn. Trumpet him melodiously at first, but if he still more...

A pregnant lady was travelling on a bus. The man opposite her stared and laughed at her.
The embarassed lady moved herself to the next seat. Then the man burst with laughter.
She went to Court and sued him for damages.
In his defense, the man told the Judge, "My Lord! If you were in my place, you would have done the same thing."
The judge, for the sake of the case, got on the bus, at the same stop, and the scene was reinacted.
The Judge could not control his laughter and dismissed the case.
The advertisement display board above the first seat for a shaving stick soap Company read, "Williams stick did the trick."
The advertisement display board above the second seat for Dunlop Tyre Company read, "Rubber Goods would have saved the trouble."

This is from an actual trial in the UK:
A young woman who was several months pregnant boarded a bus. When she noticed a young man smiling at her she began feeling humiliated on account of her condition.
She changed her seat and he seemed more amused. She moved again and then on her third move he burst out laughing. She had him arrested.
Then the case came before the court, the young man was asked why he acted in such a manner.
His reply was: When the lady boarded the bus I couldn't help noticing she was pregnant. She sat under an advertisement which read' Coming Soon: The Gold Dust Twins'. I was even more amused when she sat under a shaving advertisement which read: ' William's Stick Did The Trick'.
Then I could not control myself any longer when on the third move she sat under an advertisement which read' Dunlop Rubber would have prevented this accident.'
The case was dismissed...

On the Kurunegala main road there appeared an advertisement from the leading condom producers, on the importance of safe sex and the dangers of many a fatal illness which could result in carefree sex.
A smart guy walking on the road was much taken up by the advertisement and painted the following slogan in double meaning, big as ever.....
M A K U W O T H H I R A Y! !! ( turn it around )
++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++==

The newly married native doctor moved into his new house soon after his honeymoon and fixed a newly painted board with his name and title, though he was still on matrimonial leave. The board read thus:
WAIDYACHARA PREMALOKA KALA NIDHI.
A adventourous guy in the area knowing the doctor who had a late marriage and was still on leave, simply added an
HU in front of the title KALA NIDHI.....! !!

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