Age Jokes / Recent Jokes
' Now remember boys and girls,' said the science teacher.' You can tell a tree's age by counting the rings in a cross section. One ring for each year.'
Alec went home for dinner and found they were having a jelly roll for dessert.
' I'm not eating that, Mum,' he said,' It's five years old!'
That's an excellent essay for someone your age,' said the English teacher.
'How about for someone my Mum's age, Miss?' Boy asked curiously.
At the ripe old age of 77, grandpa had decided to marry a young girl of 20. Grandpa's doctor tried to explain that at his age sex with a young girlcould be dangerous, even fatal. Grandpa, not the slightest bit perturbedreplied "Oh well, if she dies, I'll just get myself another one."
Jacob, age 92, and Rebecca, age 89, are all excited about their decision to get married. They go for a stroll to discuss the wedding and on the way they pass a drugstore. Jacob suggests they go in. Jacob addresses the man behind the counter:
Jacob:' Are you the owner?'
The pharmacist answers yes.
Jacob:' We're about to get married. Do you sell heart medication?'
Pharmacist:' Of course we do.'
Jacob:' How about medicine for circulation?'
Pharmacist:' All kinds.'
Jacob:' Medicine for rheumatism, scoliosis?'
Pharmacist:' Definitely.'
Jacob:' How about Viagra?'
Pharmacist:' Of course.'
Jacob:' Medicine for memory problems, arthritis, jaundice?'
Pharmacist:' Yes, a large variety. The works.'
Jacob:' What about vitamins, sleeping pills, Geritol, antidotes for Parkinson's disease?'
Pharmacist:' Absolutely.'
Jacob:' You sell wheelchairs and walkers?'
Pharmacist:' All speeds and sizes.'
Jacob says to the more...
Age 8: Looks at herself and sees; Cinderella/Sleeping Beauty Age 15: Looks at herself and sees; Cinderella/Sleeping Beauty/Movie Star, or if she is PMS-ing; sees pimples/ugly ("Mom I can't go to school like this!") Age 20: Looks at herself and sees; "too fat/too thin, too short/too tall, too straight/too curly" - but she decides she is going out anyway. Age 30: Looks at herself and sees; "too fat/too thin, too short/too tall, too straight/too curly" - but decides she doesn't have time to fix it so she's going out anyway. Age 40: Looks at herself and sees; "too fat/too thin, too short/too tall, too straight/too curly" -but says, "At least, I'm clean" and goes out anyway. Age 50: Looks at herself and sees; "I am" - and goes wherever she wants to. Age 60: Looks at herself and reminds herself of all the people who can't even see themselves in the mirror anymore; goes out and conquers the world. Age 70: Looks at herself and sees more...
Q: What do you get when you play a new age song backwards? A: A new age song.
A man decided to have a face lift for his birthday. He spends $5, 000 and feels really great about the result. On his way home he stops at a newsstand and buys a paper. Before leaving he says to the sales clerk, "I hope you don't mind me asking, but how old do you think I am?" "About 35," was the reply. "I'm actually 47," the man says, feeling really happy. After that he goes into McDonalds for lunch, and asks the order taker the same question, to which the reply is, "Oh you look about 29". "I am actually 47!" This makes him feel really good. While standing at the bus stop he asks an old woman the same question. She replies, "I am 85 years old and my eyesight is going. But when I was young there was a sure way of telling a mans age. If I put my hand down your pants for ten minutes I will be able to tell your exact age." As there was no one around, the man thought what the hell and let her slip her hand down his pants. Ten more...