Alone Jokes / Recent Jokes

* Take shopping carts for the express purpose of filling them and stranding them at strategic locations.
* Ride those little electronic cars at the front of the store.
* Set all the alarm clocks to go off at ten minute intervals throughout the day.
* Start playing football -- see how many people you can get to join in.
* Run up to an employee (preferably a male) while squeezing your legs together and yell,' 'I need some tampons!!''
* Try on bras over top of your clothes.
* Make a trail of orange juice on the ground, leading to the restrooms.
* While walking around the store, sing in your loudest voice possible' 'Sex and Candy''
* Walk up to an employee and tell him in an official tone,' 'I think we've got a Code 3 in Housewares,'' and see what happens.
* Tune all the radios to a polka station, then turn them all off and turn the volumes to' '10.''
* Play with the automatic doors.
* Walk up to complete strangers and say,' 'Hi! I more...

Try understand n don’t disturb me more.
Leave me alone.
La night i didn’t sleep thinking of u.
So don’t play with my life.
- sardar says mosquito.

One night, Erich Honnecker was in the bedchamber having some pillow talk with his mistress. He was in a magnanimous mood and offered her a present of her choice.
She thought about his offer for a moment and then replied, "Oh, Erich, if there is one thing I would like you to do for me, it is this: open the borders just for one day."
Honnecker said, "Of course, my dear," but was a bit puzzled by her request. He asked, "But why would you have me do such a thing?"
The mistress replied, "I want to be alone with you."

What are cats? 1. Cats do what they want, when they want. 2. They rarely listen to you. 3. They're totally unpredictable. 4. They whine when they are not happy. 5. When you want to play they want to be left alone. 6. When you want to be alone, they want to play. 7. They expect you to cater to their every whim. 8. They're moody. 9. They leave their hair everywhere. 10. They drive you nuts. Conclusion: Cats are small women in fur coats.

There was an old man whom, though loved by his son, was being put into an old-folks home because the son could not provide the round-the-clock care the old man required."Don't leave me here to die alone here!" the old man said, when the day finally came."Now dad," said the son, "we discussed this, and you know its the best thing for you. I'll visit twice a week, and you can always pick up the phone and give me a call."So the son left, and the old man was put to bed. He immediately grabbed the phone and called his son. "You've got to come get me. This is a terrible place; the nurses all ignore me, the food's terrible, and I'm so alone!""Now Dad, I just left you half an hour ago. How can you tell in only 30 minutes what the place is like? Stay there a few more days, and if it's really that bad, we'll have to work something out."So the old man hung up, and eventually found his way to sleep. The next morning, the nurse woke him, and began more...

An old man is praying in a temple alone one day, and finally calls out to God, "I'm a good pious man Lord, so why must I be poor and destitute." God answers him, and says that he is sorry and he will be the next winner of the million dollar lottery. "Thank You my Lord," cries the old man. But months pass, and the winners are never him. Finally alone back in the temple, he calls out to God once again, "What happened God... did I misunderstand you, didn't you say I'd be the next winner of the lottery." And God answers "Do me a favor my son... buy a ticket!"

An elderly spinster called the lawyer's office and told the receptionist she wanted to see the lawyer about having a will prepared.
The receptionist suggested they set up an appointment for a convenient time for the spinster to come into the office.
The woman replied, "You must understand, I've lived alone all my life, I rarely see anyone, and I don't like to go out. Would it be possible for the lawyer to come to my house?"
The receptionist checked with the attorney who agreed and he went to the spinster's home for the meeting to discuss her estate and the will.
The lawyer's first question was, "Would you please tell me what you have in assets and how you'd like them to be distributed under your will?"
She replied, "Besides the furniture and accessories you see here, I have $40, 000 in my savings account at the bank."
"Tell me," the lawyer asked, "how would you like the $40, 000 to be more...