Appropriate Jokes / Recent Jokes

Name: ________________ (_) Billy-Bob (last) (_) Billy-Joe (_) Billy-Ray (_) Billy-Sue (_) Billy-Mae (_) Billy-Jack (Check appropriate box) Age: ____ Sex: ____ M _____ F _____ N/A Shoe Size ____ Left ____ Right Occupation: (_) Farmer (_) Mechanic (_) Hair Dresser (_) Un-employed Spouse's Name: __________________________ Relationship with spouse: (_) Sister (_) Brother (_) Aunt (_) Uncle (_) Cousin (_) Mother (_) Father (_) Son (_) Daughter (_) Pet Number of children living in household: ___ Number that are yours: ___ Mother's Name: _______________________ Father's Name: _______________________ (If not sure, leave blank) Education: 1 2 3 4 (Circle highest grade completed) Do you (_)own or (_)rent your mobile home? (Check appropriate box) ___ Total number of vehicles you own ___ Number of vehicles that still crank ___ Number of vehicles in front yard ___ Number of vehicles in back yard ___ Number of vehicles on cement blocks Firearms you own and where you keep them: ____ truck ____ more...

Instructions
Read each question carefully. Answer all questions. Time limit: 4 hours. Begin immediately. History
Descrive the history of the papacy from its origins to the present day, concentrating especially but not exclusively, on it social, political, economic, religious, and philosophical impact on Europe, Asia, America and Africa. Be brief, concise, and specific. Medicine
You have been provided with a razor blade, a piece of gauze, and a bottle of Scotch. Remove your appendix. Do not suture until your work has been inspected. You have fifteen minutes. Public Speaking
2500 riot-crazed aboriginies are storming the classroom. Calm them. You may use any ancient language except Latin or Greek. Biology
Create life. Estimate the differences in subsequent human culture if the form of life had developed 50 million years earlier, with special attention to its probable effect on the English parliamentary system. Prove your thesis. Music
Write a piano concerto. more...

That Jim Mica feller what posted that there thing 'bout the bugs on the TV sets in Atlanta was mighty sarcastic 'bout the South. I 'spect he don't know much at all 'bout this part of the country. Sure, we are different and special. That's why we done got a special Census form so that we can make the Federal Gov'ment unnerstand jus' how they need to count us. Everyone down here knows that a damyankee don't know nuthin. I'm attachin' the first part of our Census form so you kin see just how clever we really are when it comes to countin' people. I'll post the second part tomorry.
The 2000 Federal Census for Rednecks
Last name: ________________
First name: (Check appropriate box)
(_) Billy-Bob
(_) Billy-Joe
(_) Billy-Ray
(_) Billy-Sue
(_) Billy-Mae
(_) Billy-Jack
What does everyone call you?
(_) Booger
(_) Bubba
(_) Junior
(_) Sissy
(_) Other___________________
Age: ____ (if unsure, guess)
Sex: ____ M _____ F _____ Not more...

Dear Colleagues,
I have been reliably informed that one of the Spice Girls has left the Group and that they are currently recruiting on an urgent basis for members. The position will commence, conveniently, on the Australian leg of their World Tour. I urge you to make the most of this fabulous opportunity by applying on the form below.
The Spice Girls Application Form
Name: ____________________
Age: ____________________
Real age: ____________________
Bra size: ____________________
Original bra size: ______________
How would you best describe yourself?
( ) An energetic self-starter
( ) A team player
( ) A tasty, albeit untalented, bit of crumpet
Do you have any detectable vestige of talent, besides your tits?
( )Yes ( )No
Would it bother you to be the target of unrelenting hatred?
( )Yes ( )No
Are you willing to trade sexual favours for a career in the music industry?
( )Yes ( )No
How many times more...

State of Arkansas Residency Application Name: ________________ (_) Billy-Bob (last) (_) Billy-Joe (_) Billy-Ray (_) Billy-Sue (_) Billy-Mae (_) Billy-Jack (Check appropriate box) Age: ____ Sex: ____ M _____ F _____ N/A Shoe Size: ____ Left ____ Right Occupation: (_) Farmer (_) Mechanic (_) Hair Dresser (_) Un-employed Spouse's Name: Relationship with spouse: (_) Sister (_) Brother (_) Aunt (_) Uncle (_) Cousin (_) Mother (_) Father (_) Son (_) Daughter (_) Pet Number of children living in household: ___ Number that are yours: ___ Mother's Name: Father's Name: (If not sure, leave blank) Education: 1 2 3 4 (Circle highest grade completed) Do you (_)own or (_)rent your mobile home? (Check appropriate box) ___ Total number of vehicles you own ___ Number of vehicles that still crank ___ Number of vehicles in front yard ___ Number of vehicles in back yard ___ Number of vehicles on cement blocks Firearms you own and where you keep them: ____ truck ____ bedroom ____ bathroom ____ kitchen ____ more...

by Every guy in America:1. It is only common courtesy that you should leave the seat on the toilet UP when you are done.2. If you are cooking a special dinner for a man, be sure to includesomething from each of the four major male food groups:*** Meat, Fried, Beer, and Red.***3. Don't make him hold your purse in the mall.4. Despite the overwhelming evidence to the contrary in many of the fine bars and fraternities throughout the country, not all men are cretins deserving your contempt.5. Shopping is not fascinating.6. When he asks for a threesome with you and your best friend, he is only joking.7. Unless the answer is yes.8. In which case, can he videotape it? 9. If you REALLY want a nice guy, stop dating good-looking assholes.10. The man is ALWAYS in charge of poking the campfire with a stick and/or tending the grill.11. Trying to provoke a large, dangerous-looking felon from across the room is not funny.12. Money does not equate love. Not even in Nevada.13. Any attempt by a man to more...

Once in medieval times...there was a King who was getting sort of bored after dinner one night. He decided to hold a contest of who at the court had the mightiest "Weapon".
The first knight stood up and proclaimed that he had the mightiest weapon... he pulled down his pants and tied a 5 pound weight around it. The weapon doth rose.
The crowds cheered...the women swooned...the children waved multi-colored banners...and the band played appropriate music.
Another knight stood up and yelled that he had the mightiest weapon. He dropped his pants and tied a 10 pound weight to himself. The weapon doth rose.
The crowds cheered...the women swooned...the children waved multi-colored banners... and the band played appropriate music.
After several more knights tried to prove their superiority...the King finally spoke out. "I have the mightiest weapon of them all!" He dropped his pants and tied, not a 10 pound, not a 20 pound, not ever a 30 pound, but a 40 more...