Arthur Jokes / Recent Jokes

When were King Arthur's army too tired to fight? When they had lots of sleepless knights!

Sir Arthur Conan Doyle, the creator of the world-famous detective Sherlock Holmes, was not above telling tales about himself in which he was the laughing-stock.

In one situation, he was waiting at a taxi stand outside the railway station in Paris. When a taxi pulled up, he placed his suitcase in the car and took a seat next to it.

"Where can I take you, Mr. Doyle?" asked the taxi driver.

Doyle was flabbergasted. He asked the driver whether he knew him by sight.

"No, sir, I have never seen you before."

The puzzled Doyle asked him how he knew he was Conan Doyle.

"This morning's paper had a story about you being on vacation in Marseilles. This is the taxi-stand where people who return from Marseilles always come to. Your skin color tells me you have been on vacation. The ink-spot on your right index finger suggests to me that you're a writer. Your clothing is very English, and not French. And so, I more...

Knock Knock
Who's there!
Arthur!
Arthur who!
Arthene you in the butchers, haven't I? Knock Knock
Who's there!
Arthur!
Arthur who!
Arthur-tis, it's very painful! Knock Knock
Who's there!
Arthur!
Arthur who!
Arthur-mometer is good for measuring the temperature! Knock Knock
Who's there!
Arthur!
Arthur who!
Arthur any cats in your house? Knock Knock
Who's there!
Arthur!
Arthur who!
Arthur any more biscuits in the tin!

Arthur was sitting outside his local pub one day, enjoying a quiet pint and generally feeling good about himself, when a nun suddenly appears at his table and starts decrying the evils of drink.

"You should be ashamed of yourself young man! Drinking is a Sin! Alcohol is the blood of the devil!"

Now Arthur gets pretty annoyed about this, and goes on the offensive.

"How do *you* know, Sister?"

"My Mother Superior told me so"

"But have you ever had a drink yourself? How can you be sure that what you are saying is right?"

"Don't be ridiculous - of course I have never taken alcohol myself"

"Then let me buy you a drink - if you still believe afterwards that it is evil I will give up drink for life"

"How could I, a Nun, sit outside this public house drinking?!"

"I'll get the barman to put it in a teacup for you, them more...

What did King Arthur sleep with when he was afraid of the dark? A knight light

An Arthur Anderson partner comes back to his office and says to his manager, "Did you get my message where I said, Ship the Enron documents to the Feds?"The manager goes white. "Oh My God! I thought you said rip the Enron documents to shreds."

Arthur was sitting outside his local pub one day, enjoying a quiet pint and
generally feeling good about himself, when a Nun suddenly appears at his
table and starts decrying the evils of drink.
"You should be ashamed of yourself young man! Drinking is a Sin! Alcohol
is the blood of the devil!"
Now Arthur gets pretty annoyed about this, and goes on the offensive.
"How do you know Sister?"
"My Mother Superior told me so."
"But have you ever had a drink yourself? How can you be sure that what you
are saying is right?"
"Don't be ridiculous - of course I have never taken alcohol myself."
"Then let me buy you a drink, - if you still believe afterwards that it is
evil I will give up drink for life."
"How could I, a Nun, sit outside this public house drinking?!"
"I'll get the barman to put it in a teacup for you, then no one will know."
The Nun more...