Asking Jokes / Recent Jokes

A TEACHER ASKING HER STUDENTS IN CLASS FIVE A QUESTION ON THE TOPIC: WHICH PART OF THE BODY GOES TO HEAVEN FIRST.
TEACHER:WHICH PART OF THE BODY GOES TO HEAVEN FIRST?
PUPIL: THE FEET,
TEACH: WHY
PUPIL: EVERY NITE I SEE MY MUM WITH HER FEET UP AND SAYING OH! GOD AM COMING.

USAir recently introduced a special half fare for wives who accompanied their husbands on business trips.

Expecting valuable testimonials, the PR department sent out letters to all the wives of businessmen who had used the special rates, asking how they enjoyed their trip.

Letters are still pouring in asking, "What trip?"

A man goes to the doctor complaining of terrible headaches. The doctor examines him and says "I can see your problem, your balls are pushing against your spine, hence the headaches". The man feels releived the problem is so simple, until the doctor tells him that the only cure his to have his balls chopped off. Reluctantly he agrees, and a few weeks later comes out of hospital feeling very depressed. To cheer himself up he decides to buy himself some new clothes. As he walks into the shop the assistant asks him if he would like some new shoes. The man replies yes and without asking the assistant brings the man the correct size pair off shoes. The man is perplexed by this so the shopkeeper explains that he can gauge his shoe size by experience alone. The assistant then asks the man if he would like a new shirt, and once again brings him a shirt with the right collar size without asking. Amazed; the man is asked if he would like some new underwear, the shop assistant brings more...

The question this time, from the men's side of the table: what should you do when the women you're with asks you: "What are you thinking?"
Every male in the world has had to deal with this question, which is more often than not uncorked at entirely inappropriate times, such as when you are watching sports, locked in a passionate embrace, or reeling in a feisty marlin from the Gulf of Mexico. Regardless of what you're doing, you must come up with a complete and satisfactory answer, or stand accused of Hiding Your True Feelings. Which means, of course, you'll spend the next week pretending to be sorry. So you've got to come up with something. And it had better be good.
Now, the obvious question here is: WHY do women want to know what we're thinking? Simple: they assume we're thinking in the first place. Hard to believe, but there it is.
Why on earth would they think that? Well, go up to a woman and ask her what she is thinking. I have just done so with my wife, and more...

A husband and his wife are awoken at 3 o'clock in the morning by pounding on the door. The husband gets out of bed, goes to the door and finds a drunken stranger asking for a push.
"No way," the husband says, "It's three o'clock in the morning!" He closes the door and returns to bed.
"Who was that?" asks his wife.
"Some drunken stranger asking for a push," he replies.
"Did you help him?" she asks.
"No, I did not... it's three in the morning!" he says.
"Well, you certainly have a short memory," says the wife. "Don't you remember a few months ago when we broke down on vacation and those fellows helped us? I think you should help him."
The mans does as he is told and goes to the front door and calls out into the dark, "Hello... are you still out there?"
"Yes," comes the answer.
"Do you still want a push?" the husband calls out.
"Oh, more...

Tennessee representative Steve Cohen wrote a letter to the NBA asking them to end their minimum age requirement. He got the idea after Tennesseans wrote to him asking the state to do the same thing.

One of the airlines recently introduced a special half-fare rate for wives accompanying their husbands on business trips.

Anticipating some valuable testimonials, the publicity department of the airline sent out letters to all the wives of businessmen who used the special rates, asking how they enjoyed their trip.

Responses are still pouring in from angry wives asking: "What trip?"