Attendance Jokes / Recent Jokes

Whatsamatta University's Seminars For Men Fall Catalogue Once again, the female staff at Whatsamatta University will be offering courses for men of all marital status in an attempt to help males and females understand each other better. Attendance in at least 10 of the following is required.

1. Combatting Stupidity

2. You Too Can Do Housework

3. Resistance to Beer

4. How To Properly Fill An Ice Tray

5. We Do Not Want Sleazy Underwear For Christmas (Give Us Credit Cards)

6. Understanding The Female Response To Coming Home Drunk At 4: 00am

7. Wonderful Laundry Techniques (also called "Don't Wash My Silks")

9. Get A Life - Learn To Cook

10. How Not To Act Like An Idiot When You Are Obviously Wrong

11. Spelling - Even You Can Get It Right

12. Understanding Your Financial Incompetence

13. You, The Weaker Sex

14. Reasons To Give more...

Thou shalt study only during the preparatory leave.
Thou shalt never write thy assignments thyself.
Thou shalt begin writing thy journals only on the morning of submission.
Thou shalt treat all marks above 40 as bonus.
Thou shalt have at least 70 per cent attendance in the canteen.
Thou shalt pass GRACEfully.
Thou shalt always be an OUTstanding student.
Thou shalt give thy attendance without being present... PROXY is a MUST
If thou can't convince them, confuse them.
Thou shalt start every sentence with a four lettered word.

What the country is talking about this week...
"Big Brother 2" One contestant got booted for holding a knife to another's throat. But he hopes to appear on "COPS."
Tom & Penelope: There's already a problem. She wants to keep her maiden name if they marry.
"The Sopranos" Executive producer David Chase has agreed to a fifth season for a reported $20 million. The more characters he kills off, the more he gets to keep.
"The West Wing" Several of the supporting characters want more money. There goes your tax cut.
Harrison Ford: He helped rescue a lost Boy Scout with his helicopter. After a car chase, a horse race, a knife fight, a snake pit, a chasm jump...
Nicole Kidman: Reports say she and Russell Crowe were vacationing on the same remote, primitive South Seas island. Australia.
Beijing Olympics: They're adding several new sports for 2008: the 200-meter Tank Dodge and the Dissident Javelin Catch.
Online movie more...

If the weather is extremely bad, church attendance will be down.
If the weather is extremely good, church attendance will be down.