Attorney Jokes / Recent Jokes

NEW REGULATIONS FOR THE HUNTING OF LAWERS Government Department of Fish and "WildLife" Sec. 12001. Any person with a valid hunting license may harvest attorneys.2. Taking of attorneys with traps or deadfalls is permitted. The use of currency as bait is prohibited.3. Killing of attorneys with a vehicle is prohibited. If accidentally struck, remove dead attorney to roadside and proceed to nearest car wash.4. It is unlawful to chase, herd, or harvest attorneys from a snow machine, helicopter, or aircraft.5. It shall be unlawful to shout "whiplash", "ambulance", or "free Perrier" for the purpose of trapping attorneys.6. It shall be unlawful to hunt attorneys within 100 yards of BMW dealerships.7. It shall be unlawful to hunt attorneys within 200 yards of courtrooms, law libraries, whorehouses, health spas, gay bars, ambulances, or hospitals.8. If an attorney is elected to government office, it shall be a felony to hunt, "entrap", or more...

Defense Attorney: What is your age?
Little old Woman: I am 86 years old.
Defense Attorney: Will you tell us, in your own words, what happened to you?
Little old Woman: There I was, sitting there in my swing on my front porch on a warm spring evening, when a young man comes creeping up on the porch and sat down beside me.
Defense Attorney: Did you know him?
Little old Woman: No, but he sure was friendly.
Defense Attorney: What happened after he sat down?
Little old Woman: He started to rub my thigh.
Defense Attorney: Did you stop him?
Little old Woman: No, I didn't stop him.
Defense Attorney: Why not?
Little old Woman: It felt good. Nobody had done that since my Abner passed away some 30 years ago.
Defense Attorney: What happened next?
Little old Woman: He began to rub my breasts.
Defense Attorney: Did you stop him then?
Little old Woman: No, I did not stop him.
Defense Attorney: Why not?
Little old Woman: Why, Your more...

NEW REGULATIONS FOR THE HUNTING OF LAWYERS Government Department of Fish and "WildLife" Sec. 1200
1. Any person with a valid hunting license may harvest attorneys.
2. Taking of attorneys with traps or deadfalls is permitted. The use of currency as bait is prohibited.
3. Killing of attorneys with a vehicle is prohibited. If accidentally struck, remove dead attorney to roadside and proceed to nearest car wash.
4. It is unlawful to chase, herd, or harvest attorneys from a snow machine, helicopter, or aircraft.
5. It shall be unlawful to shout "whiplash", "ambulance", or "free Perrier" for the purpose of trapping attorneys.
6. It shall be unlawful to hunt attorneys within 100 yards of BMW dealerships.
7. It shall be unlawful to hunt attorneys within 200 yards of courtrooms, law libraries, whorehouses, health spas, gay bars, ambulances, or hospitals.
8. If an attorney is elected to government office, it shall be a more...

Any person with a valid Washington State hunting license may harvest attorneys.
Taking of attorneys with traps or deadfalls is permitted.
Killing of attorneys with a vehicle is prohibited. If accidentally struck, remove dead attorney to roadside and proceed to nearest car wash.
It is unlawful to chase, herd, or harvest attorneys from a snow machine, helicopter, or aircraft.
It shall be unlawful to shout "whiplash", "ambulance", or "open bar" for the purpose of trapping attorneys.
It shall be unlawful to hunt attorneys within 100 yards of Cadillac dealerships.
It shall be unlawful to use cocaine, currency, or staged vehicle accidents to attract attorneys.
It shall be unlawful to hunt attorneys within 200 yards of courtrooms, law libraries, whorehouses, health spas, ambulances, or hospitals.
If an attorney is elected to government office, it shall be a felony to hunt, trap, or possess it.
Harvested attorneys must more...

An American attorney had just finished a guest lecture at a law school in Italy when an Italian lawyer approached him and asked, "Is it true that a person can fall down on a sidewalk in your county and then sue the landowners for lots of money?"Told that it was true, the lawyer turned to his partner and started speaking rapidly in Italian. When they stopped, the American attorney asked if they wanted to go to America to practice law."No, no," one replied. "We want to go to America and fall down on sidewalks."

A man has a heart attack and is brought to the hospital ER. The doctor tells him that he will not live unless he has a heart transplant right away. Another doctor runs into the room and says, "you're in luck, two hearts just became available, so you will get to choose which one you want. One belongs to an attorney and the other to a social worker".

The man quickly responds, "the attorney's".
The doctor says, "Wait! Don't you want to know a little about them before you make your decision?"
The man says, "I already know enough. We all know that social workers are bleeding hearts and the attorney's probably never used his. So I'll take the attorney's!"

The local courtroom was packed as testimony began in thesentencing hearing of a woman convicted of murdering herhusband of 20 years by poisoning his coffee.The defense attorney knew he had his work cut out for himtrying to make his client appear more sympathetic to theJudge, especially since she had been so "matter-of-fact"about the whole thing all during the trial."Mrs. Roth," he began, "was there any point that morningwhere you felt pity for your husband ?""Well... yeah... I guess..." she replied."And when was that?" pressed the attorney."Well...," she replied, "when he asked for his third cup."