Authorities Jokes / Recent Jokes

(UP) - Earlier this year, the dazed crew of a Japanese Trawler was plucked out of the Sea of Japan clinging to the wreckage of their sunken ship. Their rescue, however, was followed by immediate imprisonment once authorities questioned the sailors on their ship's loss. To a man they claimed that a cow, falling out of a clear blue sky, had struck the trawler amidships, shattering it's hull and sinking the vessel within minutes. They remained in prison for several weeks, until the Russian Air Force reluctantly informed Japanese authorities that the crew of one of its cargo planes had apparently stolen a cow wandering at the edge of a Siberian airfield, forced the cow into the plane's hold and hastily taken off for home. Unprepared for live cargo, the Russian crew was ill-equipped to manage a now rampaging cow within its hold. To save the aircraft and themselves, they shoved the animal out of the cargo hold as they crossed the Sea of Japan at an altitude of 30, 000 feet.

According to the FBI, most modern-day bank robberies are "unsophisticated and unprofessional crimes," committed by young male repeat offenders who apparently don't know the first thing about their business. This information was included in an interesting, amusing article titles "How Not to Rob a Bank," by Tim Clark, which appeared in the 1987 edition of The Old Farmers Almanac.
Clark reported that in spite of the widespread use of surveillance cameras, 76 percent of bank robbers use no disguise, 86 percent never study the bank before robbing it, and 95 percent make no long-range plans for concealing the loot. Thus, he offered this advice to would-be bank robbers, along with examples of what can happen if the rules aren't followed:
Pick the right bank. Clark advises that you don't follow the lead of the fellow in Anaheim, Cal., who tried to hold up a bank that was no longer in business and had no money. On the other hand, you don't want to be too familiar more...

D E S M O I N E S, Iowa? Harpal Singh may have thought he'd seen the last of the man who just robbed him, but the suspect apparently had to get in the last word, police say.

When Singh, a clerk at a Citgo gas station, called police to report the heist, the suspect returned to the store and corrected his description.

Just as Singh told authorities the suspect was "5-something" in height, the suspect, Steven Hebron, told Singh, he was actually 6-foot-2, police said.

He also corrected the clerk when he said the robber was about 38 years old, according to the Des Moines Register "I'm 34," Hebron clarified.

The first time he left the Citgo Quik Mart last Wednesday evening, Hebron tried to run out with several cartons of cigarettes, police allege.

The bag ripped as he headed for the door, however, and Hebron's wallet fell on the floor, a cashier told authorities.

When the cashier yelled for help, Singh more...

Greek police have surrounded a monastery in northern Greece after cutting off power, water and food supplies to about 100 rebel monks.

For months, authorities have been in a stand-off with the ultra-orthodox monks from Mount Athos, who have denounced moves by the Greek Orthodox Church to forge closer ties with the Roman Catholic Church.

Now under an eviction order to leave their centuries-old monastery, the fanatical priests have vowed to resist,
draping the building with signs which say "orthodoxy or death".

Greek authorities have ruled out force to evict the monks.

Early last week, a 36-year-old grade-school science teacher arrived at school and was unlocking her classroom when she was shot. She was seriously wounded but survived, and at the hospital, she described the shooter as a 19 or 20 year old Hispanic man and said she'd received threatening letters from an anonymous man recently, but had no idea who he was or why he was threatening her. This was the top news story for two days.

++ Now, there are *two* absurd aspects to this story. Number one: As soon as someone discovered the woman had been shot, the school was evacuated and SWAT team members and other authorities were swarming all over the place. All the people evacuated were adult employees of the school, as it was too early in the morning for the kids to be there. The evacuees were herded onto a school bus and, without being given details on what the hell was going on, they were rushed at top speed to........... counseling! We just about fell off our chairs laughing when we more...