Average Jokes / Recent Jokes
What a difference a century makes! Here are some of the U. S. statistics from 1905:
The average life expectancy in the U. S. was 47 years.
Only 14 percent of the homes in the U. S. had a bathtub.
Only 8 percent of the homes had a telephone.
A three-minute call from Denver to New York City cost eleven dollars.
There were only 8, 000 cars in the U. S., and only 144 miles of paved roads.
The maximum speed limit in most cities was 10 mph.
Alabama, Mississippi, Iowa, and Tennessee were each more heavily populated than California.
With a mere 1. 4 million residents, California was only the 21st most populous state in the Union.
The tallest structure in the world was the Eiffel Tower.
The average wage in the U. S. was 22 cents an hour.
The average U. S. worker made between $200 and $400 per year.
More than 95 percent of all births in the U. S. took place at more...
I found this on a gopher, hence do not know the author's name.
The Court of King George III
London, England
July 10, 1776
Mr. Thomas Jefferson
c/o The Continental Congress
Philadelphia, Pennsylvania
Dear Mr. Jefferson:
We have read your "Declaration of Independence" with great interest. Certainly, it represents a considerable undertaking, and many of your statements do merit serious consideration. Unfortunately, the Declaration as a whole fails to meet recently adopted specifications for proposals to the Crown, so we must return the document to you for further refinement.
The questions which follow might assist you in your process of revision:
In your opening paragraph you use the phrase "the Laws of Nature and Nature's God." What are these laws? In what way are they the criteria on which you base your central arguments? Please document with citations from the recent literature.
In the same paragraph you refer to the more...
10 Things People Around the World Learn About Americans by Watching Baywatch1. American men and women spend 15 percent of their days running in slow motion along the beach. 2. Americans almost drown an average of two times each hour. 3. Despite the habit of breathing water, CPR always works and no one actually dies, except from cancer. 4. People in the U. S. look thoughtfully at the ocean for an average of 15 seconds after being told anything of any importance. 5. Americans never worry about getting enough to eat, but fat people are unreliable and sometimes evil. 6. Most American women have abnormally large breasts that are worshipped via close-ups for an average of two minutes and thirteen seconds per hour. 7. When swimming in California, you are more likely to be attacked by jewel thieves or taken hostage by terrorists than you are to drown. 8. Most activity that takes place off the beach occurs in montages and lasts no longer than two minutes. 9. Although Americans, especially more...
The average woman would rather have beauty than brains, because the average man can see better than he can think.
There were three guys at an award ceremony for their school: a not-so-smart one, an average one, and a smart one.
The not-so-smart one proudly boasts, "I'm going to receive an award today!"
The average one was a bit skeptical about this and asks, "What kind of award will that be?"
Before the not-so-smart on was able to reply, the smart one said, "The Most Improved Award."
Eighty percent of all people consider themselves to be above average.
Statistically speaking, in China, even if you are a one in a million kind of guy, there are a thousand more just like you.
Did you know that 87. 166253% of all statistics claim a precision of results that is not justified by the method employed?
One out of every four people is suffering from some form of mental illness.
Check three friends. If they're OK, then it's you.
It is proven that the celebration of birthdays is healthy. Statistics show that those people who celebrate the most birthdays become the oldest.
Here are the results of our drug testing study on rabbits: 1/3 of the sample died; 1/3 of the sample survived; the other one ran away.
With one foot in a bucket of ice water, and one foot in a bucket of boiling water, you are, on the average, comfortable.
A guy comes into a bar and sees two women coming out of the bathroom. One sits at one end and the other sits at the other end. One looks really good and the other one is average. He thinks to himself, "there is no way I can get with the really hot one, so I'll talk to the average one and maybe work my way up to the really hot one."
So he starts conversation with the one woman and they having a nice conversation. Then she asks him, "Do you like my friend over there?" pointing to the woman at the other end of the bar.
The guy says, "Well, uh, uh, yea, I guess I like her."
So she asks, "Do you think she's pretty?"
The guy says, "Well uh, yea, she's pretty."
She then asks, "Do you wanna smell her pussy?"
The guy tentatively responds, "Uh, Uh, well, sure, yea, yea."
The woman smiles and puts her mouth to his nose and breathes out, HUUUH!