Bacon Jokes / Recent Jokes

One day a little boy woke up and sat down at the table expecting
breakfast. However, his mother says, "You don't get any breakfast until
you do your chores."
A little ticked off, the boy goes out to do his chores. When he goes to
milk the cow, he kicks it.
When he goes to get eggs he kicks a chicken, and when he goes to feed the
pigs, he kicks one of them.
When the little boy sits down his mother gives him a bowl of dry cereal.
"Where is the bacon, eggs and milk?" asks the little boy.
His mother replies, "I saw you kick the cow, so you don't get any milk; I
saw you kick a chicken so you don't get eggs; and I saw you kick a pig so
you don't get any bacon!"
Just as she finishes saying this, the boy's father comes down the stairs
and kicks the cat.
The little boy looks up at his mother and asks, "Do you want to tell him,
or should I?"

Save all manner of bacon grease. If it can't be fried in bacon grease, it ain't worth cooking, let alone eating. Just because one can drive on snow and ice does not mean we can't stay home the two days of the year it snows. If you do run your car into a ditch, don't panic. Four men in the cab of a four-wheel-drive with a 12-pack of beer and a tow chain will be along shortly. Don't try to help them. Just stay out of their way: This is what they live for. Don't be surprised to find movie rentals and fishing bait in the same store. Remember: "Y'all" is singular. "All y'all" is plural. "All y'all's" is plural possessive. There is nothing sillier than a northerner imitating a Southern accent, unless it is a Southerner imitating a Boston accent. People walk slower here. Don't be worried that you don't understand anyone. They don't understand you either. The first Southern expression to creep into a transplanted Northerner's vocabulary is the adjective "Big more...

Save all manner of bacon grease. If it can't be fried in bacon grease, it ain't worth cooking, let alone eating.
Just because one can drive on snow and ice does not mean we can't stay home the two days of the year it snows.
If you do run your car into a ditch, don't panic. Four men in the cab of a four wheel drive with a 12-pack of beer and a tow chain will be along shortly. Don't try to help them. Just stay out of their way. This is what they live for.
Don't be surprised to find movie rentals and bait in the same store.
Do not buy food at the movie store.
Remember: "Y'all" is singular. "All y'all" is plural. "All y'all's" is plural possessive.
There is nothing sillier than a northerner imitating a Southern accent, unless it is a Southerner imitating a Boston accent.
People walk slower here.
Don't be worried that you don't understand anyone. They don't understand you either.
The first Southern expression to creep into a more...

Save all manner of bacon grease. You will be instructed on how to use it shortly.
Just because you can drive on snow and ice does not mean Southerners can. Stay home the two days of the year it snows.
If you do run your car into a ditch, don't panic. Four men in the cab of a four-wheel pick-up with a 12-pack of beer and a tow chain will be along shortly. Don't try to help them. Just stay out of their way. This is what they live for.
You can ask Southerners for directions, but unless you already know the positions of key hills, trees and rocks, you're better off trying to find it yourself.
Remember: Y'all is singular. All y'all is plural. All y'all's is plural possessive.
Get used to hearing, "You ain't from around here, are you?"
Don't be worried that you don't understand anyone. They don't understand you, either.
The first Southern expression to creep into a transplanted Northerner's vocabulary is the adjective "big ol", as in "big more...

I love bacon. It makes everything better.

Except your heart.

But I bet if you wrapped my heart in bacon and grilled it,

it would be scrumptious.

BACON SLICER
A man goes to the Doctor and says that he has a serious sexual problem.
When asked to give details, the man says that for a very long time he has
been wanting to put his penis in the bacon slicer. The doctor is
astounded, and gives the man some pills and instructs him to take one
every day and to then come back and see him in a week. A week later the
man returns and the Doctor asks him how things went, to which the man
replies that he couldn't resist the urge and finally just had to put his
penis in the bacon slicer. A little worried, the Doctor asks to take a look
at the man's penis, but on inspection he can find nothing wrong with it.
"There's nothing wrong with you, what about the bacon slicer?" asks the
Doctor, to which the man replies "I don't know, he ran away!"
GENIE'S WISH

A recently divorced woman is walking along the beach contemplating how
badly screwed she got over more...

A small boy hears a noise coming from upstairs, he shouts to his mum and dad to find out what they are doing.His mum replies just having bacon and eggs son.A few days later the small boy hears the same noise again upstairs, he stands at the bottom of the stairs and sees his mum coming down.Have you been having bacon and eggs, yes said his mum how do you know.The boy replied i can see BACON FAT DRIPPING DOWN YOUR LEG