Bad Kid Jokes / Recent Jokes

The following is supposedly a true story relating a situation that actually occurred during the war.
During the Persian Gulf War, I was assigned to go to Saudi Arabia. As I was saying good-bye to my family, my three-year-old son, Christopher, was holding on to my leg and pleading with me not to leave. "No, Daddy, please don't go!" he kept repeating.
We were beginning to make a scene when my wife, desperate to calm him, said, "Let Daddy go and I'll take you to get a pizza."
Immediately, Christopher loosened his death grip, stepped back and in a calm voice said, "'Bye, Daddy."

One day little Johnny asked his mother for a new bike. His mother said, "At Christmas you send a letter to Santa to ask for what you want, don't you?" "Yes," replied Johnny, "but it isn't Christmas." His mother said, "Yes, but you can send a letter to Jesus and ask him." Johnny sat down with a pen and paper and started his letter: Dear Jesus,
I've been a good boy and I would like a new bike.
Your Friend,
Johnny He thought about this and decided to start a new letter. Dear Jesus,
Sometimes I'm a good boy and I would like a new bike. He thought about this and decided to write another letter. Dear Jesus,
I thought about being a good boy and I would like a new bike. He thought about this and decided that he didn't like that one either. He left and went walking around depressed when he went by a house with a small statue of Mary in the front yard. He picked up the statue and hurried home. He put the statue under the bed and more...

Son: Dad, the dentist wasn't painless like he said he would be.
Dad: Did he hurt you, then?
1st Monster: No, but he did yell when I bit his finger!

Homer: Boy, you don't have to follow in my footsteps.
Bart: Don't worry, I don't even like using the bathroom after you.
Homer: Why you little --!

' Mum,' yelled Johnny from the kitchen,' you know that dish you were always worried that I would break? '
' Yes dear, what about it? '
' Well your worries are over.'

A man whose son had just passed his driving test went home one evening and found that the boy had driven slap bang into the living room' How did you manage to do that? ' he fumed.
' Quite simple, Dad. I came in through the kitchen and turned left! '

A five-year-old boy was mowing his front lawn and drinking a beer. The preacher who lived across the street saw the beer and came over to harass the kid. "Aren't you a little young to be drinking, son?" he asked. "That's nothing," the kid said after taking a swig of beer. "I got laid when I was three." "What? How did that happen?" "I don't remember. I was drunk."