Bananas Jokes / Recent Jokes
A poor homeless man had 3 bananas; he had stolen one from a first grader, one from a fruit vendor, and the other was given to him by a humble old lady.
Along with the banana, the humble old lady gave him bus fare, partly because she wanted him to leave, and partly because she felt sorry for him.
The man jumped at the thought - he was going on a bus ride, something he hadn't done in a long time. He put one banana on either side of his torn and tatty pants, and the other banana in the back of his pants.
He waited at the bus station, and waited, and waited, until finally a bus came, and he climbed on.
It was one of those crowded buses, one with not much room to even sneeze.
The bus driver collected the money, and the homeless man found a cramped place to stand.
Everything was going smoothly until the bus made a sharp turn to the left, the banana on the left side got squished. The bus made another sharp turn, one to the right, and you can guess what happened to the more...
As part of the admission procedure in the hospital where I work, I ask the patients if they are allergic to anything.If they are, I print it on an allergy band placed on the patients' wrists.Once when I asked an elderly woman if she had any allergies, she said she couldn't eat bananas. Imagine my surprise when several hours later a very irate son came out to the nurses' station demanding, "Who's responsible for labelling my mother' bananas'?"
The world's best and most famous conductor makes a small mistake
while conducting the New York Symphony Orchestra. The audience
doesn't notice, the orchestra didn't notice either, but he knew
he'd made the mistake and decided that he should retire. Once the
performance had finished, he turned and faced the audience and said
"Ladies and Gentleman, this is my last performance as a world class
conductor. I'm now announcing my retirement."
After a few minutes silence from the shocked audience, and orchestra
too, he was greeted with boos and hisses. He walked from the stage,
only to be met by his manager, standing in between two gorilla-sized
bodyguards. "Oh no you don't", his manager said, "you're not retiring."
Forced backed to work by his manager, he endured week after week of
conducting he no longer wanted to do. While lying in bed one night
with his wife of many years, he turned to her and said more...
Once upon a time, a man decided to vacation on a cruise ship
in the Caribbean. It was wonderful-the experience of his
life! He was waited upon hand and foot. But, alas, it did
not last. A hurricane came up suddenly and the ship went
down. The man found himself, he knew not how, swept up on the
shore of an island. There was nothing else anywhere to be
seen. No person, no supplies, nothing.
The man looked around. There were some bananas and coconuts,
but that was it. He was desperate and forlorn, but decided to
make the best of it. So for the next four months he ate
bananas, drank coconut juice and mostly looked to the sea
mightily for a ship to come to his rescue.
One day, as he was lying on the beach stroking his beard and
looking for a ship, he spotted movement out of the corner of
his eye. Could it be true, was it a ship? No, from around
the corner of the island came a rowboat. In it was the most
gorgeous woman he had more...