Banks Jokes / Recent Jokes
Banks want to return $68 billion in bailout money to the government. They were upset at all the hidden fees.
ON COURAGE: "They were doing a full back shot of me in a swimsuit and I thought, Oh my God, I have to be so brave. See, every woman hates herself from behind." -- Cindy Crawford
ON SELF-KNOWLEDGE: "Everywhere I went, my cleavage followed. But I learned I am not my cleavage." -- Carole Mallory
ON POVERTY: "Everyone should have enough money to get plastic surgery." -- Beverly Johnson
ON FATE: "I wish my butt did not go sideways, but I guess I have to face that." -- Christie Brinkley
ON ARRIVING: "Because modeling is lucrative, I'm able to save up and be more particular about the acting roles I take." -- Kathy Ireland (star of Alien From L. A. and Danger Island)
ON CAREER CHOICES: "My boyfriend thinks I lost my true calling to be a librarian." -- Paulina Porizkova
ON PRIORITIES: "I would rather exercise than read a newspaper." -- Kim Alexis
ON more...
WHY?
Why is it that people say they "slept like a baby" when babies wake up every two hours?
If a deaf person has to go to court, why is it still called a hearing?
Why do we press harder on a remote control when we know the batteries are flat?
Why do banks charge a fee on "insufficient funds" when they know there is not enough?
Why does someone believe you when you say there are four billion stars but check when you say the paint is wet?
Why doesn't glue stick to the inside of the bottle?
Why do they use sterilized needles for death by lethal injection?
Why doesn't Tarzan have a beard?
Why does Superman stop bullets with his chest, but ducks when you throw a revolver at him?
Why do Kamikaze pilots wear helmets?
Whose idea was it to put an "S" in the word "lisp"?
What is the speed of darkness?
If you send someone' Styrofoam', how do you pack it?
If the temperature is zero more...
... Can a pizza get to your house faster than an ambulance;
. .. Are there handicap parking places in front of a skating rink;
. .. Do drugstores make the sick walk all the way to the back to get their prescriptions while healthy people can buy cigarettes right up front;
. .. Do people order double cheeseburgers, large fries, and then top it all off with a DIET coke because they're concerned about their weight;
. .. Do banks leave the doors open and then chain the pens to the counter;
. .. Do we leave cars worth thousands of dollars in the driveway and put our useless junk in the garage;
. .. Do we use answering machines to screen calls and then have "call waiting" so we won't miss a call from someone we don't want to talk to in the first place;
. .. Do we buy hot dogs in packages of ten and buns in packages of eight;
. .. Do we use the word "Politics" to describe the process so well: "Poli" (from Latin) means more...
Why are there so many piggy banks? Pigs dont like to hide their money in the mattress.