Barber Jokes / Recent Jokes
I was getting my hair cut at a neighborhood shop, and I asked the barber when would be the best time to bring in my two-year-old son. Without hesitation, the barber answered, "When he's four."
(via Aiken Drum, Rodney & Cathy, HorridScopes)
A rascal had no money for the New Year's Day and this worried his wife. The rascal said, "You may rest assured, everything will be all right." Later when he saw a barber passing by, he had a brainstorm, and he thought up a clever scheme. He asked the barber to give him a hair cut. "Could you cut my eyebrows off," said the rascal after the barber had begun cutting. When one of his brows was shaved, he shouted, "Barbers never cut eyebrows! This is an unheard of absurdity!" With these words the rascal seized the barber by the collar, and took him to the court to seek justice. The barber was frightened, and had to pay 100 copper cash to settle the matter. Having extorted the money, the rascal spent a happy New Year's Day. Seeing that one of her husband's eyebrows had disappeared, his wife suggested, "you'd better have the other day brow shaved off too." "Don't you understand what my next move is?", said the rascal. "This brow will be more...
A man goes into his regular barber shop, sits down at the chair and the barber ask him how he would like his hair cut this time.
The customer replied, "Well, lets see. Leave the left side long, take quite a bit off the right side to make it really short. I want the very back to have a mohawk and the front and top to be spotty and irregular."
The barber was astonished and said he could not cut hair that way.
"Why not," the customer replied, "you cut it that way last time!"
One day the barber gave a priest a haircut. When the priest attempted to pay the barber, he refused the money, saying "You are a priest and do God's work." The next morning, the barber found a dozen bibles on his shop's doorstep.
That day, a policeman came to the barber for a haircut and again the barber refused payment, saying " you protect the public." The following morning the barber found a dozen donuts on his shop's doorstep.
A lawyer then came into the shop for a haircut and again the barber refused his money, saying "you serve the justice system." The next morning the barber arrived at his shop and found a dozen lawyers waiting for a free haircut.
A barber gave a haircut to a priest one day. The priest tried to pay for the haircut, but the barber refused, saying, "you do Gods work." The next morning the barber found a dozen bibles at the door to his shop.
A policeman came to the barber for a haircut, and again the barber refused to pay, saying, "you protect the public." The next morning the barber found a dozen doughnuts at the door to his shop.
A lawyer came to the barber for a haircut, and again the barber refused payment, saying, "you serve the justice system." The next morning the barber found a dozen lawyers waiting for a free haircut.
A man enters a barber shop for a shave. While the barber is foaming him up, he mentions the problems he has getting a close shave around the cheeks. "I have just the thing," says the barber taking a small wooden ball from a nearby drawer. "Just place this between your cheek and gum." The client places the ball in his mouth and the barber proceeds with the closest shave the man has ever experienced. After a few strokes the client asks in garbled speech. "And what if I swallow it?" "No problem," says the barber. "Just bring it back tomorrow like everyone else does."
A man was getting a haircut prior to a trip to Rome. He mentioned the trip to the barber who responded, "Rome? Why would anyone want to go there? It's crowded & dirty and full of Italians. You're crazy to go to Rome. So, how are you getting there?" "We're taking TWA," was the reply. "We got a great rate!" "TWA?" exclaimed the barber. "That's a terrible airline. Their planes are old, their flight attendants are ugly, and they're always late. So, where are you staying in Rome?" "We'll be at the downtown International Marriott." "That dump! That's the worst hotel in the city. The rooms are small, the service is surly and they're overpriced. So, whatcha doing when you get there?" "We're going to go to see the Vatican and we hope to see the Pope." "That's rich," laughed the barber. "You and a million other people trying to see him. He'll look the size of an ant. Boy, good luck on this lousy trip more...