Barrel Jokes / Recent Jokes

Dear Sirs,
I am writing in response to your request for additional information. In block number 3 in the Accident Report Form I put "Lost Presence-of-Mind" as the cause of my
accident. You asked in your letter that I should explain more fully, and I trust the following details will be sufficient....
I am a bricklayer, by trade. On the day of the accident I was working alone on the roof of a new 6 story building. When I completed my work, I discovered I had about 500
pounds of bricks left over. Rather than carry them down by hand, I decided to lower them down in a barrel, using a pulley, which fortunately was attached to the building at the 6th floor.
Securing the rope at ground level, I went up to the roof, swung the barrel out, and loaded the bricks into it. Then I went to the ground floor, untied the rope, holding it
tightly to ensure a slow decent of the 500 pounds of bricks. You will note in block number 3 of the Accident Reporting Form, more...

This is an accident report which appeared in the newsletter of the British equivalent of the Workers' Compensation Board. This is the report... a true story.
Dear Sir:
I am writing in response to your request for additional information in Block #3 of the accident report form. I put "Poor Planning" as the cause of my accident. You asked for a fuller explanation, and I trust the following details will be sufficient.
I am a bricklayer by trade. On the day of the accident, I was working alone on the roof of a new six-story building. When I completed my work, I found I had some bricks left over which, when weighed later, were found to be slightly in excess of 500 lbs.
Rather than carry the bricks down by hand, I decided to lower them in a barrel by using a pulley which was attached to the side of the building. at the sixth floor. Securing the rope at ground level, I went up to the roof, swung the barrel out, and loaded the bricks into it. Then I went down and more...

Dear Sir,
I am writing in response to your request for additional information for block number 3 of the accident reporting form. I put "poor planning" as the cause of my accident. You said in your letter that I should explain more fully and I trust the following detail will be sufficient.
I am an amateur radio operator and on the day of the accident, I was working alone on the top section of my new 80 foot tower. When I had completed my work, I discovered that I had, over the course of several trips up the tower, brought up about 300 pounds of tools and spare hardware. Rather than carry the now un-needed tools and material down by hand, I decided to lower the items down in a small barrel by using a pulley, which fortunately was attached to the gin pole at the top of the tower.
Securing the rope at ground level, I went to the top of the tower and loaded the tools and material into the barrel. Then I went back to the ground and untied the rope, holding it more...

There is a blonde, a burnette, and a red head running from the police so they run into an alley. They hide in barrels and the cops come and see whats in the first barrel. The burnette goes meow and the cops go oh its just a cat. So they go to the second barrel and the red head goes woof and the cop says oh its just a dog. They get to the third barrel with the blonde in it and the blonde goes po-tat-o

This guy decides to join the Navy. On his first day of service, he gets acquainted with all the facilities around the ship he will be serving on. The guy asks the sailor showing him around, "What do you guys do around here when you get really horny after months of being out at sea?", to which the other replies, "Well, there is this barrel on the upper deck, just pump your cock in the side with the hole."
Weeks pass, and the new guy is getting real horny and remembers the barrel. He climbs to the upper deck and sees the barrel. Flings his shlong out and starts fucking the barrel. It's simply the best feeling he had ever experienced, it was truly a success!
After he was done, zipped up and merrily walking along, the guy who originally told him about the barrel walks by. "That barrel really was great! I could do it every day!"
To which the other crew member replies, "Yeah, you can every day except Thursday." Confused, the new guy asks more...

A pakistani was sitting with an indian and malaysianin saudi arabia, sharing a smuggled barrel of beer, when all of a
Sudden saudi police entered and arrested them. But, as it was a nationalholiday, the sheikh decided they should be released after receiving20 lashes of the whip. As they were preparing for their punishment, the sheikh suddenly said:
“i allow each of you one wish before your whipping. ”
So the malaysian guy thought for a while and then
Said: “please tie a pillow to my back. ” This was done but the pillow only lasted 10 lashes before the whip went through.
The indian guy, watching the scene, said: “please fix two pillows on my back”. But even two pillows could only take 10
Lashes before the whip went through again. Sheikh turned to pakistani and said: “you are from a brother country, so you can have 2 wishes! ”
“thank you, most royal and merciful highness”, the pakistani replies.
“my first wish is: i would more...

A man joins the crew of a ship. After a few days he gets restless and asks “What does one do about sex around here? ”
The others direct him to a large gun barrel with a hole in it. At first he does not like the idea much but, when he tries it, he finds it surprisingly enjoyable. He has another go the next day, and again the day after.
Then he asks, “Can I do this every day? ”.
“Yes, every day, except Wednesdays”.
“Why not on Wednesdays? ”
“Wednesdays is YOUR turn inside the barrel! ”