Beaten Jokes / Recent Jokes

- It is illegal to lie down and fall asleep in a cheese factory.
- Movies that show police officers being struck, beaten, or treated in an offensive manner are forbidden.
- If there are more than 5 Native Americans on your property you may shoot them.
- Spearfish: If three or more Indians are walking down the street together, they can be considered a war party and fired upon.

This man shows up at his doctor's office to get patched up. He has obviously been severely beaten about the head and shoulders. His doctor tapes him up and asks him, "What in the hell happened to you?"
"You won't believe this doc, it happened in church."
"In church? How?"
"The minister told us all to stand and sing hymn 317. When we stood up, I noticed the woman standing in front of me had her dress pushed up her butt. So I reached forward and pulled it out. She beat the crap out of me with her umbrella."
Several weeks later, the man shows up at his doctor, all beaten up again. Again the doctor patches him up and asks him about what happened.
"It happened in the same church."
"Again?"
"Yes. The minister told us to all stand and sing hymn 317. When we stood up, the same woman was in front of me, with her dress up her butt. The woman standing next to her noticed that and pulled it out. I knew more...

Take a cage with apes. In the cage we hang a banana on a string, and put stairs under it. Before long an ape goes to the stairs towards the banana, but as soon as it even touches the stairs, all apes are sprayed with water.
After a while the same ape or another one makes another attempt, with the same result: all apes are sprayed. If later another ape tries to climb the stairs, the others will try to prevent it.
Now we take one ape from the cage and put in a new one. The new ape sees the banana, and wants to climb the stairs. To his horror all other apes attack him.
After another attempt he knows: if he wants to climb the stairs, he is beaten up.
Then we remove a second ape and replace it by another new one. The newcomer goes to the stairs and gets beaten up. The previous new ape takes part in the punishment with enthusiasm.
A third old ape is replaced by a third new one. The new one makes it to the stairs and get beaten up as well. Two of the apes who beat him, more...