Beautiful Jokes / Recent Jokes

A teacher died and went to heaven. St. Peter welcomed her in and said he would show her to her place in heaven.

The first neighborhood was lovely. People were out on the park-like lawns, socializing, Bar-B-Q-ing, playing golf on a beautifully landscaped golf course, and having a fine time.

"Oh, this is wonderful", says the school teacher to St. Peter, "Is this where I'll be staying?"

"No, this is the doctors' area", replied St. Peter.

They continue the journey and come to another beautiful neighborhood. Again everyone is outside socializing. People are on tennis courts, swimming in pools.

"My, this IS paradise", gushed the teacher, "is this my neighborhood?"

"No, no, the teacher's area is next."

They move on among the clouds until they reach and equally beautiful neighborhood, but no one is outside. No one is visible anywhere and the houses appear to more...

My husband was just coming out of anesthesia after a series of tests in the hospital, and I was sitting at his bedside. His eyes fluttered open, and he murmured, "You're beautiful."

Flattered, I continued my vigil while he drifted back to sleep.

Later he woke up and said, "You're cute."

"What happened to' beautiful'?" I asked him.

"The drugs are wearing off," he replied.

On a plane bound for New York, the flight attendant approached a blonde sitting in the first class section and requested that she move to economy since she did not have a first class ticket. The blonde replied, “I’m blonde, I’m beautiful, I’m going to New York, and I’m not moving. ” Not wanting to argue with a customer, the flight attendant asked the copilot to speak with the woman. The copilot went to talk with the woman, asking her to move out of the first class section. Again, the blonde replied, “I’m blonde, I’m beautiful, I’m going to New York, and I’m not moving. ” The copilot returned to the cockpit and asked the captain what he should do. The captain said, “I’m married to a blonde, and I know how to handle this. ” He went to the first class section and whispered into the blonde’s ear. She immediately jumped up and ran to the economy section, mumbling to herself, “Why didn’t anyone just say so? ” Surprised, the flight attendant and the more...

A man complaining to a friend: "I had it all - money, a beautiful house, a big car, the love of a beautiful woman... then... pow!... it was all gone!"
"What happened?" asked the friend.
"Ahhhh... my wife found out..."

Q: What are beautiful women in Sweden called? A: Tourists.

On their first night to be together, the newlywed couple go to change.
The new bride comes out of the bathroom, all showered and wearing her
beautiful robe.
The proud husband says, "My dear, we are married now, you can open your robe."
The beautiful young woman opens her robe, and he is astonished. "Oh, oh,
aaaahhh," he exclaims, "my word, you are so beautiful, let me take your
picture.
Puzzled, she asks, "My picture?"
He answers, "Yes my dear, so I can carry your beauty next to my heart
forever."
She smiles and he takes her picture, and then he heads into the bathroom to
shower.
He comes out wearing his robe and the new wife asks, "Why do you wear a robe?
We are married now."
At that the man opens his robe and she exclaims, "Oh, oh, oh my, let me get a
picture."
He beams and asks, "Why?"
She answers, "So I can get it enlarged."

A man complaining to a friend: "I had it all - money, a beautiful house, a big car, the love of a beautiful woman...then... pow!... it was all gone!""What happened?" asked the friend."Ahhhh... my wife found out..."