Beautiful Jokes / Recent Jokes

I eat an awful lot of Chinese food for someone who's not Chinese. You seldom see Chinese people eating Jewish food. There's a huge trade inbalance there.

Chinese food is SO beautiful! Even the names are beautiful.

The other night I got a dish called "Seven Precious Treasures on a Bed of Jade".

I didn't know whether to eat it or sell it on ebay.

The teacher says, "Children, today I will ask each of you to come to the front of the class and use a word in a sentence. Today's word is' beautiful'. Little Sally, would you please come up here and use' beautiful' in a sentence?"

Little Sally walked to the front of the room, thought for a moment and said, "Teacher, my mom is the most beautiful woman in the world."

Teacher says, "Very good, Little Sally, you may sit. "Little Frankie, your turn."

Little Frankie walked to the front of the room, thought for a moment and said, "Teacher, the sunrise this morning was the most beautiful sunrise I have ever seen."

Teacher says, "Very good, Little Frankie, you may sit. Little Johnny, it's your turn."

Little Johnnie walked to the front of the room, thought for a moment and said, "Teacher, last night my big sister told my dad that she was pregnant and he said,' Beautiful! Just more...

A 70-year-old man has never been married. One day, he meets a beautiful 17-year-old girl, and it is love at first sight. They get married and go to Florida for their honeymoon.When they get back, his friend says to him, "So, tell me, how was it?""Oh, it was beautiful," says the man. "The sun, the surf, we made love almost every night, we -"His friend interrupts him. "A man your age! How did you make love almost every night?""Oh," says the man, "we almost made love Monday, we almost made love Tuesday..."

A bartender has a regular customer that is a beautiful young lady. He sees her every day, however he can not approach her because every time he sees her he gets an erection. Finally one day he comes up with a solution. He tapes his manhood to the inside of his leg. When she got to the bar he finally asked her out, and she said yes. When he went to pick her up for the date, he once again had his manhood taped to the inside of his leg. She came to the door and she was wearing a very tight, short dress, and she was beautiful - more beautiful than she has ever looked before. So she approached him, and he kicked her in the head.

The man approached the very beautiful woman in the large supermarket and asked, "You know, I've lost my wife here in the supermarket. Can you talk to me for a couple of minutes?" "Why?" "Because every time I talk to a a beautiful woman my wifeappears out of nowhere."

A new bellringer was needed for Notre Dame Cathedral to replace Quasimoto, the hunchback. The bishop decided that he would conduct the interviews personally and went up to the belfry to begin the screening process. After observing several applicants demonstrate their skills, he decided to call it a day when a lone, armless man approached him and announced that he was there to apply for the bellringer's job. The bishop was incredulous. "You have no arms!" "No matter," said the man, "Observe!" He then began striking the bells with his face, producing a beautiful melody on the carillon. The bishop listened in astonishment, convinced that he had finally found a suitable replacement for Quasimodo. Suddenly, rushing forward to strike a bell, the armless man tripped and plunged headlong out of the belfry window to his death in the street below. The stunned bishop ran down the long series of steps to the bottom of the cathedral, then rushed out to the man's side. more...

A man has spent many days crossing the desert without water. His camel has died of thirst. He's crawling through the sands, certain that he has breathed his last, when all of a sudden he sees a shiny object sticking out of the sand several yards ahead of him. He crawls to the object, pulls it out of the sand, and discovers what looks to be an ash tray from an old car. He opens it and out pops a genie.... But this is no ordinary genie. He is wearing a polka dot bow tie and a plaid sport coat. There's a dog-eared little book in the breast pocket with a blue cover. He has a pencil tucked behind one ear. "Well, kid," says the genie. "You know how it works. You have three wishes." "I'm not falling for this." says the man. "I'm not going to trust a used car salesman!" "What do you have to lose? You've got no transportation, and it looks like you're a goner anyway! " The man thinks about this for a minute, and decides that the genie is right. more...