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60 above - Floridians wear coats, gloves, and wooly hats.
Chicago people sunbathe.50 above - New Yorkers try to turn on the heat.
Chicago people plant gardens.40 above - Italian cars won't start.
Chicago people drive with the windows down.32 above - Distilled water freezes.
Lake Michigan's water gets thicker.20 above - Californians shiver uncontrollably.
Chicago people have the last cookout before it gets cold.15 above - New York landlords finally turn up the heat.
Chicago people throw on a sweatshirt.0 degrees - Californians fly away to Mexico.
Chicago people lick the flagpole and throw on a light jacket over the sweatshirt.20 below - People in Miami cease to exist.
Chicago people get out their winter coats.40 below - Hollywood disintegrates.
Chicago's Girl Scouts begin selling cookies door to door.60 below - Polar bears begin to evacuate Antarctica.
Chicago's Boy Scouts postpone "Winter Survival" classes until it gets cold more...

One day at a busy airport, the passengers on a commercial airliner are seated waiting for the pilot to show up so they can get under way.The pilot and copilot finally appear in the rear of the plane and begin walking up to the cockpit through the center aisle. Both appear to be blind; the pilot is using a white cane, bumping into passengers right and left as he stumbles down the aisle. The copilot is using a guide dog. Both have their eyes covered with sunglasses.At first, the passengers do not react thinking that it must be some sort of practical joke. After a few minutes though, the engines start revving, and the airplane begins moving down the runway.The passengers look at each other with some uneasiness. They start whispering among themselves and look desperately to the stewardesses for reassurance.Yet, the plane starts accelerating rapidly, and people begin panicking. Some passengers are praying, and as the plane gets closer and closer to the end of the runway, the voices are more...

One day at a busy airport, the passengers on a commercial airliner are seated, waiting for the cockpit crew to show up so they can get under way.
The pilot and co-pilot finally appear in the rear of the plane, and begin walking up to the cockpit through the center aisle. Both appear to be blind. The pilot is using a white cane, bumping into passengers right and left as he stumbles down the aisle, and the co-pilot is using a guide dog. Both have their eyes covered with huge sunglasses. At first the passengers do not react; thinking that it must be some sort of practical joke. However, after a few minutes the engines start spooling up and the airplane starts moving down the runway.
The passengers look at each other with some uneasiness, whispering among themselves and looking desperately to the stewardesses for reassurance. Then the airplane starts accelerating rapidly and people begin panicking. Some passengers are praying, and as the plane gets closer and closer to the end of more...

One day at a busy airport, the passengers on a commercial airliner are
seated, waiting for the cockpit crew to show up so they can get under
way.
The pilot and copilot finally appear in the rear of the plane, and begin
walking up to the cockpit through the center aisle.
Both appear to be blind.
The pilot is using a white cane, bumping into passengers right and left as
he stumbles down the aisle, and the copilot is using a guide dog. Both have
their eyes covered with huge sunglasses.
At first the passengers do not react; thinking that it must be some sort of
practical joke. However, after a few minutes the engines start revving and
the airplane starts moving down the runway.
The passengers look at each other with some uneasiness, whispering among
themselves and looking desperately to the stewardesses for reassurance.
Then the airplane starts accelerating rapidly and people begin panicking.
Some passengers are praying, and as more...

There was a man who was getting ready to be hanged by the politicians of Aaronztown City. The only way he could ignore death was to convince the mayor to make the politicians change their mind. So he did.
"Hello Mayor Green, I am here to discuss important matter."
"Okay. Very well. Do you want to make any comments before we begin?"
"Yes. Do you mind if I examine the things around here before we begin?"
"Yes."
Darn. Okay, my first question. Do you mind if I do not get hung by the politicians?"
"Yes."
But, I have a family, a long life ahead of me, and lots of friends. Are you sure you mind?"
Yes."
The man growled furiously.
"Do you mind if I don't kill you before I get hung?"
"Yes."

Irishman, Englishman and a German are caught in Saudi Arabia drinking. "Under Saudi law you are sentenced to 30 lashes then deported. Before you begin you are entitled to something on you back, what would you like?" said the prison guard to the Englishman just before lashing him. The English man, being a bit of a cricket fan, asked for linseed oil. When they lashed him on a post and let him go to catch his flight back to London he groaned and crawled to the airport. Next came the German. "Under Saudi law you are sentenced to 30 lashes then deported. Before you begin you are entitled to something on you back, what would you like?" said the prison guard "Nothing" said the German and, after receiving his lashes spat on the ground, called the prison guards Schisers and started off towards the airport. The guards then came to the Irishman. "Under Saudi law you are sentenced to 30 lashes then deported. Before you begin you are entitled to something on you more...

Picard "Mr. LaForge, have you had any success with your attempts at finding a weakness in the Borg? And Mr. Data, have you been able to access their command pathways?" Geordi "Yes, Captain. In fact, we found the answer by searching through our archives on late Twentieth-century computing technology." Geordi presses a key, and a logo appears on the computer screen. Riker looks puzzled. "What in the world is' Microsoft'?" Data turns to answer. "Allow me to explain. We will send this program, for some reason called' Windows', through the Borg command pathways. Once inside their root command unit, it will begin consuming system resources at an unstoppable rate." Picard "But the Borg have the ability to adapt. Won't they alter their processing systems to increase their storage capacity?" Data "Yes, Captain. But when' Windows' detects this, it creates a new version of itself known as an' upgrade'. The use of resources increases more...