Behind Jokes / Recent Jokes
Tired of being a golf widow, a woman took up the game and wound up playing with her husband on a country course one day. He hit his drive way off into the rough, behind a barn.
She came over to take a look, surveyed the situation, and suggested that if he opened both barn doors he could hit his ball straight through the barn to the green.
He saw this as an excellent idea, complimented her for her suggestion, then opened the doors and stepped up to the ball. He made a swing and great contact. Unfortunately, the ball was off line, careened off the door frame, hit the wife in the head and killed her.
Years went by, the man finally remarried, and this time found himself a golfer for a wife. Incredibly, the same situation occurs. The man is in the rough behind the same barn. His new wife took a look at his ball and suggested that he could make the green if he opened both barn doors and hit through the barn.
"No way," he replied. "I can't do more...
The new rooster caused a great stir in the barnyard. From resplendent comb to defiant spurs, he was the picture of young bantam-hood. Almost immediately upon his arrival, he was greeted by an elderly rooster who took him behind the barn and whispered in his ear: "Young fellow, I'm long past my prime. All I want now is to live out my remaining days in peace and solitude. So you take over right now as ruler of the roost with my blessings."
The newcomer did just that. He went about his squirely duties as only a young rooster could. After several days, however, the elder rooster again took the young champion behind the barn.
"Kid," he whispered, "the hens have been after me for giving up my position so easily. So why don't we have a race-say, ten laps around the farmhouse? The winner becomes undisputed keeper of the henhouse, and then the hens will stop nagging me."
The young rooster, with only contempt for his elder's athletic ability, quickly more...
ENGINEERING DEFINITIONS…WHAT THEY REALLY MEAN!!!
Major Technological Breakthrough = Back to the drawing board.
Developed after years of intensive research = It was discovered by accident.
Project slightly behind original schedule due to unforseen difficulties = We are working on something else.
The designs are well within allowable limits = We just made it, stretching a point or two.
Customer satisfaction is believed assured = We are so far behind schedule that the customer was happy to get anything at all from us.
Close project coordination = We should have asked someone else; or, let’s spread the responsibility for this.
The design will be finalized in the next reporting period = We haven’t started this job yet, but we’ve got to say something.
A number of different approaches are being tried. We don’t know where we’re going, but we’re moving. = It works, and are we surprised!
Extensive effort is being applied on a fresh more...
Old man sitting on his front porch in Louisiana watching the sunrise sees the neighbor's kid walk by carrying something big under his arm.
He yells out, "Hey boy, whatcha got there?"
The boy yells back, "Roll of chicken wire."
The old man says, "What you gonna do with that?"
The boy says, "Catch some chickens."
The old man yells, "You damn fool, you can't catch chickens with chicken wire!"
The boy just laughs and keeps walking.
That evening at sunset the boy comes walking by and to the old man's surprise, he is dragging behind him the chicken wire with about 30 chickens caught in it.
At the same time the next morning, the old man is out watching the sunrise and he sees the boy walk by carrying something kind of round in his hand.
The old man yells out, "Hey boy, whatcha got there?"
The boy yells back, "Roll of duck tape."
The old man says, "What you gonna more...
Three men were arrested for stealing cars.
Their sentance was to be shot.
The first man was about to be shot, so he pointed behind the people who were going to shoot him and yelled "Flash flood!"
The people who were about to shoot him looked towards the direction he was pointing and he ran away, escaping his punishment.
It was the next man's turn. Like the first man, he pointed behind the people who were about to shoot him, but he yelled "Tornado!"
The people who were about to shoot him looked towards the direction he was pointing and he ran away, escaping his punishment.
The last man was about to be shot. Like the first to men, he pointed behind the people who were about to shoot him, but he yelled "Fire!" and everyone shot him.
three men were arrested for wrong doing. so the state decided to give them a capital punishment by lashing their backs. each of them had them had the chance to choose something that should be laid on his back before he is beaten. the first man a northerner said they should put a cloth behind him. he was lashed and later suffered serious injuries. the second a Ga chose a mat. he also suffered minor injuries. the third a fante opted for the northerner to be laid behind him. this made the first man suffer double.