Below Jokes / Recent Jokes

A man in a hot air balloon realized he was lost. He reduced altitude and spotted a man below. He descended a bit more and shouted, "Excuse me, can you help me? I promised a friend I would meet him half an hour ago, but I don't know where I am."
The man below replied, "You are in a hot air balloon hovering approximately 30 feet above the ground. You are between 40 and 42 degrees north latitude and between 58 and 60 degrees west longitude."
"You must be an engineer," said the balloonist.
"I am," replied the man, "but how did you know?"
"Well," answered the balloonist, "everything you told me is technically correct, but I have no idea what to make of your information, and the fact is I am still lost."
The man below responded, "You must be a manager."
"I am," replied the balloonist, "how did you know?"
"Well,&q

One day a diver was enjoying the aquatic world 20 ft below sea level. He noticed a guy at the same depth he was, but he had on no scuba gear whatsoever.
The diver went below another 20 ft, but the guy joined him a few minutes later. The diver went below 25 ft, but minutes later, the same guy joined him. This confused the diver, so he took out a waterproof chalk-and-board set, and wrote, "How the hell are you able to stay under this deep without equipment?"
The guy took the board and chalk, erased what the diver had written, and wrote -
"I'M DROWNING, YOU MORON!!!"

A man flying in a hot air balloon realizes he is lost. Spotting a man down below, he reduces height and shouts:' Excuse me, can you tell me where I am?' The man below says:' Yes. You're in a hot air balloon, hovering 30 feet above this field.'

'You must work in engineering!' says the balloonist.' I do,' replies the man.' How did you know?'

'Because,' says the balloonist,' everything you have told me is technically correct, but it's of no use to anyone.'

'You, my friend,' says the man below,' must work in management.'

'I do' replies the balloonist,' but how did you know?'

'Because,' says the man below,' you don't know where you are or where you're going, but you expect me to be able to help. You're in exactly the same position you were in before we met, but now it's my fault.'

A friend just got back from a holiday ski trip to Utah with the kind of story that warms the cockles of anybody's heart. Conditions were perfect, 12 below, no feeling in the toes, basic numbness all over. The "Tell me when we're having fun" kind of day.One of the women in the group complained to her husband that she was in dire need of a restroom. He told her not to worry, that he was sure there was relief at the top of the lift in the form of a powder room for female skiers in distress. He was wrong, of course, and the pain did not go away.If you've ever had nature hit its panic button in you, then you know That a temperature of 12 below zero doesn't help matters. So with time running out, she weighed her options.Her husband, picking up on the intensity of the pain, suggested that since she was wearing an all white ski outfit, she should go off in the woods. No one would ever notice, he assured her. The white will provide more than adequate camouflage. So she headed for the more...

Strange and silly things to do while driving. We do not advise doing any of the below "things to do while driving", as all driving should be taken seriously. The below "things to do while driving" are simply here for entertainment purposes. Vary your vehicle`s speed inversely with the speed limit. Roll down your windows and blast talk radio. Attempt to headbang. At stop lights, eye the person in the next car suspiciously. With a look of fear, lock your doors. Two words: Chicken suit. Write the words "Help me" on your back window in red paint. The more it looks like blood, the better. Have conversations, looking periodically at the passenger seat, when driving alone. Laugh a lot. A whole lot. Stop at the green lights. Go at the red ones. Occasionally wave a stuffed animal/troll doll/Barbie out your window or sunroof. Feel free to make it dance. Eat food that requires silverware. Pass cars, then drive very slowly. Sing without having the radio on. Honk more...

A man in a hot air balloon realised he was lost.
He reduced altitude and spotted a woman below.
He descended a bit more and shouted, "Excuse me, can you help me?
I promised a friend I would meet him an hour ago, but I don't know where I am."
The woman below replied, "You are in a hot air balloon hovering approximately 30 feet above the ground. You are between 40 and 41 degrees north latitude and between 59 and 60 degrees west longitude."
"You must be an engineer," said the balloonist.
"I am," replied the woman. "How did you know?"
"Well," answered the balloonist, "everything you told me is technically correct, but I have no idea what to make of your information, and the fact is I am still lost. Frankly, you've not been much help so far."
The woman below responded, "You must be in management."
"I am," replied the balloonist, "but how did you more...

We do not advise following any of the below driving rules to any extent. Driving should be taken seriously at all times. The below jokes are simply here for entertainment purposes.
When using a metered entrance ramp, vehicles in the carpool lane do not need to stop. Similarly, vehicles NOT in the diamond lane also do not need to stop.
If, at any time, you have witnessed a green light, it is okay to proceed through the intersection, regardless of the current color of the light.
The shoulder becomes a lane if you are driving a Porsche.
If you paid more than $60, 000 for your car, you automatically have the right of way, regardless of the situation. This is especially applicable in parking lots.
Drive as quickly as possible through parking structures. Pass any open spot by at least four car lengths before backing up to claim it. Disregard the angry mob that has formed behind you.
Get to know your horn. Use it as often as possible.
While driving on the more...