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Lyrics to an old folk song, recently requested:

The Scottsman

Well a Scottsman clad in kilt left a bar one evening fair
And one could tell by how he walked that he'd drunk more than his share
He fumbled' round until he could no longer keep his feet
And he stumbled off in to the grass to sleep beside the street

Ring-ding didle lidle la deo
Ring dye didley eye oh
He stumbled off in to the grass to sleep beside the street

About the thime two young and lovely girls just happened by
One says to the other, with a twinkle in her eye
"See yon sleeping Scottsman, so strong a handsome built
I wonder if it's true what they don't wear beneath the kilt"

Ring-ding didle lidle la deo
Ring dye didley eye oh
I wonder if it's true what they don't wear beneath the kilt

They crept up on the sleeping Scottsman quiet as could be
They lifted up his kilt about an inch so they more...

A man is sitting on a plane which is about to take off when another man, accompanied by a dog, board it and occupy the seats alongside him.
Noticing the first man looking quizzically at the dog, the dog handler tells him they work for the airline and says, "Don't mind Rocky, he's a sniffer dog. The best there is. Once we get airborne, I'll set him to work and show you what I mean."
The plane takes off and levels out when the handler says, "Ok, watch this. Rocky, Search!"
The dog immediately jumps down from his seat, walks up the aisle and sits down beside a woman for a few seconds. He then returns to his seat and puts one paw on the handler's arm.
"Good boy," the handler says. He then turns to the first man and says, "That woman is in possession of marijuana, so I'm making a note of this, and her seat number, for the police who will apprehend her upon arrival."
"Wow, that's unbelievable," exclaims the first more...

Mr. Weissenblat, a middle-aged meek Jew, is on a plane for Israel, in a window
seat. Just before take-off, this HUGE Arab wearing a beautiful gaudy multi-
coloured gown walks up and sits down beside him. A few minutes later, the
plane takes off.
All is well. For a while. But then, Mr. Weissenblat realizes that he has to go
to the washroom. That wouldn't be a problem, but he looks over and notices that
the Arab beside him is sound asleep, and Mr. Weissenblat, being a meek man is
afraid to disturb him. So he figures he'll hold it in till the Arab wakes up.
But as luck would have it, the Arab just keeps snoring away, and Mr. Weiseenbalt
is feeling increasingly more uncomfortable. After a while, he starts to feel
nauseous as well, what from holding it in combined with the plane ride. He
tries and tries to hold it in, but then "AAARRGGHH!!"-he throws up all over
the Arab and his beautiful garment. He thinks, "Oh, no! Now he's more...

First things first:
NO CHEATING Don't cheat.
This is a little game that has a pretty funny/creepy outcome. Don't read ahead, just do it in order. It takes about 3 minutes It's worth it.
It's kinda eerie...
First, Get a blank piece of paper and pen.
P.S. When you are asked to choose names, make sure it's people you ACTUALLY KNOW, and go with your first instincts!
Scroll down one line at a time - don't read ahead or you'll ruin the fun!!
1.) First, write the numbers 1 through 11 in a column.
2.) Then, beside numbers 1 and 2, write any two numbers you want.
3.) Beside the 3 and 7, write down the names of members of the opposite sex (or same sex if you're gay). Don't look ahead-or it won't turn out right.
4.) Write anyone's name (like friends or family...) in the 4th, 5th and 6th spots. Don't cheat or you'll be upset that you did.
5.) Write down four song titles in 8, 9, 10 and 11.
6.) Finally, make a wish
And here is the key for that more...

We have all had bad dates, but this takes the cake. This just tells you how tough it is to be single nowadays. This was on the "Tonight Show" with Jay Leno. Jay went into the audience to find the most embarrassing first date that a woman ever had. The winner described her worst first date experience. There absolutely no question as to why her tale took the prize!
She said it was midwinter, snowing and quite cold; and the guy had taken her skiing to Lake Arrowhead. It was a day trip (no overnight). They were strangers, after all, and truly had never met before. The outing was fun but relatively uneventful until they were headed home late that afternoon. They were driving back down the mountain, when she gradually began to realize that she should not have had that extra latte.
They were about an hour away from anywhere with a rest room and in the middle of nowhere! Her companion suggested she try to hold it, which she did for a while. Unfortunately, because of the more...

This was on the tonight show with Jay Leno............... Jay went into his audience to find the most embarrassing first date that a woman ever had. When the winner described her worst first date experience, there was absolutely no question as to why her tale took the prize.

Marilyn said it was midwinter... snowing and quite cold. The guy had taken her skiing to Lake Arrowhead. It was a day trip (no overnight). The outing was fun but relatively uneventful until they were headed home late that afternoon. They were driving back down the mountain when she gradually began to realize that she should not have had that extra latte. They were about an hour away from anywhere with a restroom and in the middle of nowhere. Her companion suggested she try to hold it, which she did for a while.

Unfortunately, because of the heavy snow and slow going. there came a point where she told him that he had better stop and let her pee beside the road, or she would go on the front more...

Defense Attorney:
What is your age?
Little Old Woman:
I am 86 years old.
Defense Attorney:
On the first day of April last year, will you tell us, in your own words, what happened to you?
Little Old Woman:
There I was, sitting there in my swing on my front porch on a warm spring evening, when a young man comes creeping up on the porch and sat down beside me.
Defense Attorney:
Did you know him?
Little Old Woman:
No, but he sure was friendly.
Defense Attorney:
What happened after he sat down beside you?
Little Old Woman:
He started to rub my thigh.
Defense Attorney:
Did you stop him?
Little Old Woman:
No, I didn't stop him.
Defense Attorney:
Why not?
Little Old Woman:
It felt good. Nobody had done that since my Abner passed away some 30 years ago.
Defense Attorney:
What happened next?
Little Old Woman:
He began to rub my breasts.
Defense Attorney:
Did you stop him more...