Bessie Jokes / Recent Jokes

Eighty-year-old Bessie bursts into the recreation room of the men's retirement home. She holds her clenched fist in the air and saucily announces, "Anyone who can guess what's in my hand, can make wild passionate love to me tonight!"
A witty, elderly gentleman in the rear shouts out, "An elephant?"
Bessie thinks a minute and replies, "Close enough!"

Farmer Brown decided his injuries from the accident were serious enough to take the trucking company (responsible for the accident) to court. In court, the trucking company's fancy lawyer was questioning Farmer Brown. "Didn't you say, at the scene of the accident,' I'm fine'?" asked the lawyer. Farmer Brown responded, "Well I'll tell you what happened. I had just loaded my favorite mule Bessie into the..." "I didn't ask for any details," the lawyer interrupted, "just answer the question. Did you not say, at the scene of the accident,' I'm fine'!" Farmer Brown said, "Well I had just gotten Bessie into the trailer and I was driving down the road..." The lawyer interrupted again and said, "Judge, I am trying to establish the fact that, at the scene of the accident, this man told the Highway Patrolman on the scene that he was just fine. Now several weeks after the accident he is trying to sue my client. I believe he is a fraud. Please more...

Sam and Bessie are in their 80's and Sam always wanted an expensive pair of alligator shoes. Seeing them on sale one day, he purchases them and comes home, asking Bessie, "So, do you notice anything different about me?"
Bessie responds, "What's different? It's the same shirt you wore yesterday and the same pants,"
Frustrated, Sam goes into the bathroom, undresses and comes out naked, just wearing the new shoes. Again he asks, "So, Bessie, do you notice anything different?"
Bessie again responds, "What's different, Sam? It's hanging down today; it was hanging down yesterday and will be hanging down tomorrow,"
Angrily Sam yells, "Do you know WHY it's hanging down? Because it's looking at my new shoes! THAT's why it's hanging down!"
Bessie replies, "You should have bought a new hat!"

Sam and Bessie are in their 80s. Sam always wanted an expensive pair of alligator shoes. Seeing them on sale one day, he purchases them and comes home, asking Bessie, "So, do you notice anything different about me?""What's different? It's the same shirt you wore yesterday and the same pants. What's different?"Frustrated, Sam goes into the bathroom, undresses and comes out completely naked, just wearing the new shoes. Again, "So, Bessie, do you notice anything different?""What's different, Sam? It's hanging down today; it was hanging down yesterday and will be hanging down tomorrow."Angrily Sam yells, "Do you know why it's hanging down? 'Cause it's looking at my new shoes!"Bessie replies, "You should have bought a hat."

Sam and Bessie are senior citizens, and Sam has always wanted an expensive pair of alligator cowboy boots. Seeing them on sale one day, he buys a pair and wears them home, asking Bessie, "So, do you notice anything different about me?"
"What's different? It's the same shirt you wore yesterday and the same pants."
"What's different?" Frustrated, Sam goes into the bathroom, undresses and comes out completely naked, wearing only his new boots. Again he says, "Bessie, do you notice anything different?"
"What's different, Sam? It's hanging down today; it was hanging down yesterday and will be hanging down again tomorrow."
Angrily, Sam yells, "Do you know why it's hanging down?' Cause it's looking at my new boots!!"
Bessie replies, "You shoulda bought a hat!"

Farmer Joe decided his injuries from his recent accident were serious enough to take the trucking company responsible for the accident to court. In court, the trucking company's fancy lawyer was questioning farmer Joe. "Didn't you say, at the scene of the accident, that you were fine?" "Well, I'll tell you what happened. I had just loaded my favorite mule Bessie into the--" "I didn't ask for any details," the lawyer interrupted. "Just answer the question. Did you not say, at the scene of the accident, that you were fine?" "Well I had just got Bessie into the trailer and was driving down the road--" "Judge, I am trying to establish the fact that, at the scene of the accident, this man told the Highway Patrolman on the scene that he was just fine. Now several weeks after the accident he is trying to sue my client. I believe he is a fraud. Please tell him to simply answer the question." By this time the Judge was fairly more...

Farmer Joe decided his injuries from the accident were serious enough to take the trucking company
(responsible for the accident) to court. In court the trucking company's fancy lawyer was questioning
farmer Joe.
"Didn't you say, at the scene of the accident,' I'm fine'?" said the lawyer.
Farmer Joe responded, "Well I'll tell you what happened. I had just loaded my favorite mule Bessie
into the...."
"I didn't ask for any details," the lawyer interrupted, "just answer the question." "Did you not say,
at the scene of the accident,' I'm fine'!"
Farmer Joe said, "Well I had just got Bessie into the trailer and I was driving down the road...."
The lawyer interrupted again and said, "Judge, I am trying to establish the fact that, at the scene
of the accident, this man told the Highway Patrolman on the scene that he was just fine. Now several
weeks after the accident he is more...