Bible Jokes / Recent Jokes
Four brothers left home for college, and they became successful doctors and lawyers and prospered. Some years later, they chatted after having dinner together. They discussed the gifts they were able to give their elderly mother who lived far away in another city.
The first said, "I had a big house built for Mama."
The second said, "I had a hundred thousand dollar theater built in the house."
The third said "I had my Mercedes dealer deliver an SL600 to her."
The fourth said, "You know how Mama loved reading the Bible and you know she can't read anymore because she can't see very well. I met this preacher who told me about a parrot that can recite the entire Bible. It took twenty preachers 12 years to teach him. I had to pledge to contribute $100, 000 a year for twenty years to the church, but it was worth it. Mama just has to name the chapter and verse and the parrot will recite it."
The other more...
A little boy opened the big family bible. He was fascinated as he fingered through the old pages. Suddenly, something fell out of the Bible. He picked up the object and looked at it. What he saw was an old leaf that had been pressed in between the pages. "Mama, look what I found", the boy called out. "What have you got there, dear?" With astonishment in the young boy's voice, he answered, "I think it's Adam's underwear!"
Pain in the SideAt Sunday School they were teaching how God created everything, including human beings. Little Johnny seemed especially intent when they told him how Eve was created out of one of Adam`s ribs. Later in the week his mother noticed him lying down as though he were ill, and said, Johnny what is the matter? Little Johnny responded, "I have a pain in my side. I think I`m going to have a wife."
Some bloopers of biblical proportions written by Sunday School students of both the Christian and Jewish persuasion:
In the first book of the bible, Guinessis, God got tired of creating the world, so he took the Sabbath off.
Adam Eve were created from an apple tree.
Noah`s wife was called Joan of Ark.
Noah built the ark, which the animals came on in pears.
Lot`s wife was a pillar of salt by day, but a ball of fire by night.
The Jews were a proud people and throughout history they had trouble with unsympathetic Genitals.
Sampson was a strongman who let himself be led astray by a jezebel like Delilah.
Sampson slated the Philistines with the axe of apostles.
Moses led the Hebrews to the Red Sea, where they made unleavened bread, which is bread made without any ingredients.
The Egyptians were all drowned in the dessert.
Afterward, Moses went up on Mount Cyanide to get more...
Punny Biblical Q+A`sQ: Who was the greatest financier in the Bible?
A. Noah; he was floating his stock while everyone was in liquidation.Q: Who was the greatest female financier in the Bible?
A. Pharaoh`s daughter; she went down to the bank of the Nile and drew out a little prophet.Q: What kind of man was Boaz before he got married?
A. Ruth-less.Q: Who was the first drug addict in the Bible?
A. Nebuchadnezzar; he was on grass for seven years.Q: What kind of motor vehicles are in the Bible?
A. Jehovah drove Adam and Eve out of the Garden in a Fury.A: David`s Triumph was heard throughout the land.A: Honda... because the apostles were all in one Accord.A: 2 Cor. 4:8 describes going out in service in a Volkswagen, "We are pressed in every way, but not cramped beyond movement."Q: Who was the greatest comedian in the Bible?
A. Samson; he brought the house down.Q: Where is the first baseball game in the more...
Believing in predestination, a new father set out three objects on the dining room table in preparation for his son's arrival home from school. The first object was a £100 note. "That represents high finance. If he takes this, he's go into business." The second object was a Bible. "If he takes this one, he'll be a man of the cloth." The third object was a bottle of cheap whiskey. "If he goes for this one, he'll be a drunkard!" The father and his wife then hid where they could see their son's approach. Soon, the son entered the room and examined each article briefly. He then checked to make sure that he was alone. Not seeing anyone, he stuffed the money in his pocket, put the Bible under his arm, and strolled out of the room draining the whiskey. The father looked at his wife and beamed, "How about that! He's going to be a lawyer!"
Bible ConfusionThe little girl was sitting with her grandmother, who had presented her with her first little children`s Bible, in an easy-to-read translation, when she was very young.Now, a decade or so later, the elderly lady was ready to spend a fewsweet moments handing down the big old family Bible, in the time-honoredKing James Version, to her only grandchild.Understandably excited, the youngster was asking a number of questions,both about the family members whose births and deaths were recordedtherein, and about various aspects of the Scriptures themselves.Her grandmother was endeavoring to answer all the child`s questions in terms she could understand, but the one that stopped her cold was this sincere inquiry:"Which Virgin was the mother of Jesus? Was it the Virgin Mary, or the King James virgin?"