Bird Jokes / Recent Jokes
The old maid bought herself a parrot to brighten her lonely hours. The parrot's name was Bobby, and he was a charming bird, with but one small fault. Whenever the mild-mannered lady had company in, Bobby would cut loose with a number of obscene expressions he'd picked up from his previous owner, a retired madam.
The lady discussed this problem with her pastor, and after witnessing a particularly purple display, the good man suggested, "This parrot needs company. Get him interested in another of his species, and he'll soon forget his sinful past.
"I, myself, have a parrot. Her name is Sarah and she is an unusually devout bird. She prays constantly. Let me bring her with me the next time I call. We'll keep them together a few days-I'm certain her religious background will have a marked influence on this fellow's character."
Thus, the next time the pastor called, he brought his parrot, and the two birds were placed in a single cage. They spent the first more...
An old man died and left his talking parrot to his nephew.
Unfortunately, the old man’s language was not the cleanest, and it would seem that the parrot picked up on this. The nephew did not like this, and tried to break the parrot of its swearing habit. He tried everything. He played religious music, he was kind to the bird, he spent long hours trying to teach it manners. Finally, one day, he became so frustrated, he threw the parrot into the freezer.
“There, ” he said. “Maybe he’ll cool off in there. ”
For the first few seconds, the parrot swore a blue streak inside that freezer. Then, suddenly, the parrot fell silent.
A few moments later, the nephew heard from within the freezer, “If you would be so kind as to let me out, I promise to rectify my unsavory vocabulary. ”
Shocked and surprised, the nephew quickly opened the door and removed the chilly but sedate bird. Before he could say anything, however, the parrot spoke.
“If you more...
Q: How can you enter a haunted house?
A: With a skeleton key.
Q: How can you fatten up a ghost?
A: With ghoulash and spooketti.
Q: What is a ghost's favorite ride?
A: A roller ghoster.
Q: How can a witch tell the time?
A: By using a witch watch.
Q: What is bigger than a monster but lighter than a bird?
A: A monster's shadow.
Q: What would you get if you crossed a ghost with a black bird?
A: A scare-crow.
This was his Indian name given to him because he had only one testicle. After years and years of this torment Onestone cracked and said, "If anyone calls me Onestone again I will kill them!"
The word got around and nobody called him that any more. Then one day a young girl named Blue Bird forgot and said, "Good morning Onestone."
He jumped up, grabbed her and took her deep into the forest. There he loved her all day, he loved her all night, he loved her all the next day, until Blue Bird died from exhaustion. The word got around that Onestone meant business.
Years went by until a woman named Yellow Bird returned to the village after many years away. Yellow Bird, who was Blue Bird's cousin, was overjoyed when she saw Onestone and hugged him and said, "Good to see you Onestone."
Onestone grabbed her and took her deep into the forest where he loved her all day, loved her all night, loved her all the next day, loved more...
Three doctors are in the duck blind and a bird flies overhead. The general practitioner looks at it and says, "Looks like a duck, flies like a duck... it's probably a duck," shoots at it but misses and the bird flies away. The next bird flies overhead, and the pathologist looks at it, then looks through the pages of a bird manual, and says, "Hmmmm... green wings, yellow bill, quacking sound... might be a duck." He raises his gun to shoot it, but the bird is long gone. A third bird flies over. The surgeon raises his gun and shoots almost without looking, brings the bird down, and turns to the pathologist and says, "Go see if that was a duck."