Birthday Jokes / Recent Jokes

TEACHER: How old were you on your last birthday?
STUDENT: seven.
TEACHER: How old will you be on your next birthday?
STUDENT: Nine.
TEACHER: That's impossible.
STUDENT: No, it isn't. I'm eight today!

Four guys are telling stories in a bar. One leaves to take a leak. There are three guys left.
The first guy says "I was worried that my son was going be a loser because he started out washing cars for a local dealership. Turns out that he got a break, they made him a salesman, and he sold so many cars that he bought the dealership. In fact, he is so successful that he just gave his best friend a new Mercedes for his birthday."
The second guy says "I was worried about my son, too, because he started out raking leaves for a Realtor. Turns out HE got a break, they made him a commissioned salesman, and he eventually bought the real estate firm. In fact he's so successful that he just gave his best friend a new house for his birthday."
The third guy says "Yeah, I hear you. MY son started out sweeping floors in a brokerage firm. Well, he got a break, they made him a broker, and now he owns the brokerage firm. In fact, he's so rich that he just gave more...

Sadie lost her husband almost four years ago and still has not gotten out of her depression, mourning as if it were only yesterday. Her daughter constantly is calling her and urging her to get back into the world. Finally, Sadie says she'd go out, but didn't know anyone. Her daughter immediately replies, "Mama! I have someone for you to meet." Well, it was an immediate hit. They took to one another and after dating for six weeks he asks her to join him for a weekend in the Catskills. And we know what that meant. One room and the normal follow up to that. Their first night there she undresses as he does. There she stood nude except for a pair of black lacy panties. He in his birthday suit. Looking at her he asks "Why the panties?"She replies, "My breasts you can fondle, my body is yours to explore, but down there I am still in mourning," He knows he's not getting lucky that night. The following night the same scenario. She standing there with the black more...

Marie was widowed five years ago and still hadn't gotten out of her depression, mourning as if it were yesterday. Her daughter was constantly calling her and urging her to get back into the world. Finally, Marie agreed to go out, but said she didn't know anyone.
"That's not a problem, Mom," her daughter said. "I have someone for you to meet."
Her daughter introduced her to Max and they took to one another immediately. After dating for a few weeks, Marie agreed to join Max for a weekend in Cape Cod.
On their first night there, they both undressed. There stood Marie, naked except for a pair of black lace panties, while Max was in his birthday suit. Curious, he asked her, "Why the black panties?"
"My breasts you can fondle, my body is yours to explore, but down there I am still in mourning," Marie replied. Max knew right away that he wasn't getting lucky that night.
The following night, it was the same scenario. Marie was more...

A married man keeps telling his wife "Honey, you have such a beautiful butt". Every person in the town agrees that she does have a very beautiful butt. The man's birthday is coming up so she decides to take a trip to the tattoo parlor and get the words "Beautiful butt" tattooed on her ass.
She walks in and tells the tattoo artist he husband thinks she has a beautiful butt. He looks and says, "You do have a beautiful butt". She then tells the man she wants Beautiful butt tattooed on her ass. The man tells her "I can't fit that on your ass, it takes up too much space. But I tell you what, I will tattoo the letters BB on each cheek and that can stand for beautiful butt. She agrees and gets it done.
On the man's birthday she hears him come home and is only wearing a robe. She then stands at the top of the stairs. He opens the door and she says "look honey." She then takes off the robe she is wearing, bends over, and the man yells more...

Joey had heard a family rumor that his father, his grand-father and even his great-grandfather, all "walked on water" on their 21st birthday. Well today was his 21st birthday and if they could do it, so could he.
So, off he went in a boat with his friend Eric. When he got out in the middle of the lake, he got up and stepped out of the boat....and damn near drowned.
The next day, Joey asked his grandmother why he wasn't given the same gift as the others in his family. The grandmother told him that his father, grand-father and great-grandfather had all been born in February...not in August as was he.

TEACHER: Jack, how old are you on your last birthday?
JACK: 7 years old
TEACHER: How old are you going to be on your next birthday?
JACK: 9 years old
TEACHER: That's impossible!
JACK: No it's not. I'm 8 today.
TEACHER: Mike, go to the map and show me where America is.
MIKE: Here it is!
TEACHER: Good. Now class, who discovered America?
CLASS: Mike !!!
TEACHER: Didn't you promise to behave?
STUDENT: Yes sir.
TEACHER: And didn't I promise to punish you when you misbehave?
STUDENT: Yes sir. But since I didn't keep my promise, you don't need to keep yours.
COOL STUDENT: Teacher would you punish me for something I didn't do?
TEACHER: No.
COOL STUDENT: Good 'cos I didn't do my homework.
TEACHER: Alfred, name one important thing that we have today and we don't 10 years ago.
ALFRED: Me !!!
TEACHER: Are you chewing gum?
BILLY: No. I'm Billy Anderson.
TEACHER: In this box I have a 10-foot snake.
STUDENT: You more...