Biting Jokes / Recent Jokes

According to a dad in Des Moines, his 13-year-old son went on a biting spree at his middle school because of the movie "Twilight". The father stated that this isn’t the first time his son has emulated what he’s seen in a movie. Last year the boy was suspended for 3 weeks after watching Brokeback Mountain.

The Teacher asked Little Johnny, "How can you prevent diseases caused by biting insects?"Little Johnny replied, "Just Don't bite any."

Two golden-agers were discussing their husbands over tea.
"I do wish that my Elmer would stop biting his nails. He makes me terribly nervous."
"My Billy used to do the same thing," the older woman replied. "But I broke him of the habit."
"How?"
"I hid his teeth."

Florida:
Women may be fined for falling asleep under a hair dryer, as can the salon owner.
If an elephant is left tied to a parking meter, the parking fee has to be paid just as it would for a vehicle.
Men may not be seen publicly in any kind of strapless gown.
SARASOTA - It is illegal to sing in a public place while attired in a swimsuit.
Louisiana:
It is illegal to rob a bank and then shoot at the bank teller with a water pistol.
Biting someone with your natural teeth is "simple assault,"
while biting someone with your false teeth is "aggravated assault."
North Dakota:
Beer & pretzels can't be served at the same time in any bar or restaurant.
Ohio:
Women are prohibited from wearing patent leather shoes in public.

To stop her 4-year old daughter from biting her nails, her mother tells her it'll make her fat.? I won't do it any more, Mom," says the daughter. Next day they are out walking when they meet a very fat man.? If I bite my fingernails, I'll be as fat as that, won't I Mom?"? You'll be fatter than that," says her mother. They get on a bus, and sitting opposite them is a very pregnant lady. The little girl can't take her eyes off the woman's belly. The pregnant lady feels increasingly uncomfortable under this stare, and finally leans forward and says to the little girl,? Excuse me, but do you know me?" And the little girl says,? No, but I know what you've been doing..."Sent by Max

A guy walking down the street sees a woman with perfect breasts. He says to her, "Hey miss, would you let me bite your breasts for $100 dollars?

"Are you nuts?! !" she replies, and keeps walking away. He turns around, runs around the block and gets to the corner before she does.

"Would you let me bite your breasts for $1,000 dollars?" he asks again.

"Listen you; I'm not that kind of woman! Got it?" So the guy runs around the next block and faces her again. "Would you let me bite your breasts
just once for $10,000 dollars?"

She thinks about it for a while and says, "Hmmm, $10,000 dollars, eh? Ok, just once, but not here. Let's go to that dark alley over there."

So they go into the alley, where she takes off her blouse to reveal the most perfect breasts in the world. As soon as he sees them, he grabs them and starts caressing them, fondling them slowly, kissing them, more...

It is illegal to rob a bank and then shoot at the bank teller with a water pistol. Biting someone with your natural teeth is "simple assault", while biting someone with your false teeth is "aggravated assault".You may not tie an alligator to a fire hydrant.Mourners at a wake may not eat more than three sandwiches.Snoring is prohibited unless all bedroom windows are closed and securely locked.An old ordinance declares goatees illegal unless you first pay a special license fee for the privilege of wearing one in public.Taxi drivers are prohibited from making love in the front seat of their taxi during their shifts.It is illegal to gargle in public places. It illegal for a woman to drive a car unless her husband is waving a flag in front of it.