Blowing Jokes / Recent Jokes

40 MISTAKES MEN MAKE WHILE HAVING SEX WITH WOMEN.....

1) NOT KISSING FIRST.
Avoiding her lips and diving straight for the erogenous zones makes her feel
like you're paying by the hour and trying to get your money's worth by
cutting out nonessentials. A proper passionate kiss is the ultimate form of
foreplay.

2) BLOWING TOO HARD IN HER EAR.
Admit it, some kid at school told you girls love this. Well, there's a
difference between being erotic and blowing as if you're trying to
extinguish the candles on your 50th birthday cake. That hurts.

3) NOT SHAVING.
You often forget you have a porcupine strapped to your chin which your rake
repeatedly across your partner's face and thighs. When she turns her head
from side to side, it's not passion, it's avoidance.

4) SQUEEZING HER BREAST.
Most men act like a housewife testing a melon for ripeness when they get
their hand on a pair. Stroke, more...

Did you fart....Because you are blowing me away!!!
My two favorite letters of the alpabet E Z.
Hey, I lost my underwear, can I see yours?
Hey baby, have you fallen from heaven, because that would explain your face..
Can i buy you a drink? Because you look like an alcoholic.
Do you believe in helping the homeless? (If yes) Take me home with you.
I don't know what you think of me, but I hope it's X-rated.
Are you wearing a cow suit, or do you always look like a heiffer?
Damn girrl did you get some lipo, your'e looking P H A T!
Are you a frito cause your really corny
How much do you weigh cause your lookin PHAT*
Tell your mom to stop changing lipsticks cause my dick looks like a rainbow
Hey, why go for the best when you can go for the rest?
Mind if I hang out here until its safe back where I farted?
Damn girl, you must have all the flies around you because you're the shit!
Can I take you out to eat... unless you wanted me to eat more...

How much weight do we lose during sex?
Diet literature explains calories burned while jogging, playing tennis or golfing, but similar information concerning sexual activity has, until now, been unavailable.
Yet, a survey of 206,000,000 people indicated that 96% devote more time and effort to sex than jogging, tennis, or golf, and we felt that the time was right for a new type of sex manual.
EXAMPLES:
1 hr. intensive foreplay burns off: 1 slice (large) chocolate cake.
25 min. nonstop lovemaking burns off: 2 slices of pizza with cheese & mushrooms.
53 min. of kissing partner burns off: 1 cheeseburger with 14 french fries.
53 minutes kissing yourself burns off: Christmas turkey with all the trimmings.
PREPARING THE BEDROOM Includes setting the snooze alarm and dimming the lights: 42 (calories burned)
ADDITIONAL LAST MINUTE PREPARATIONS Hiding the sex manual: 3; Decanting the wine: 4; Without a corkscrew: 268
MAKING THE FIRST MOVE If you are shy: more...

The diet literature explains calories burned while jogging, playing tennis or golfing, but similar information concerning sexual activity has, until now, been unavailable. Yet, a survey of 206,000,000 people indicated that 96% devote more time and effort to sex than jogging, tennis, or golf, and we felt that the time was right for a new type of sex manual. EXAMPLES: 1 hr. intensive foreplay Burns Off: 1 slice (large) chocolate cake. 25 min. nonstop lovemaking Burns Off: 2 slices of pizza with cheese and mushrooms. 53 min. of kissing partner Burns Off: 1 cheeseburger with 14 french fries. 53 minutes kissing yourself Burns Off: Christmas turkey with all the trimmings. PREPARING THE BEDROOM Includes setting the snooze alarm and dimming the lights: 42 (calories burned) ADDITIONAL LAST MINUTE PREPARATIONS Hiding the sex manual: 3 Decanting the wine: 4 Without a corkscrew: 268 MAKING THE FIRST MOVE If you are shy: 15 If you are anxious: 43 If you beg: 100 SEDUCING THE PARTNER If you are more...

Take notes, all you Casanovas...
1) NOT KISSING FIRST. Avoiding her lips and diving straight for the erogenous zones makes her feel like you're paying by the hour and trying to get your money's worth by cutting out nonessentials. A properly passionate kiss is the ultimate form of foreplay.
2) BLOWING TOO HARD IN HER EAR. Admit it, some kid at school told you girls love this. Well, there's a difference between being erotic and blowing as if you're trying to extinguish the candles on your 50th birthday cake. That hurts.
3) NOT SHAVING. You often forget you have a porcupine strapped to your chin which you rake repeatedly across your partner's face and thighs. When she turns her head from side to side, it's not passion, it's avoidance.
4) SQUEEZING HER BREAST. Most men act like a housewife testing a melon for ripeness when they get their hands on a pair. Stroke, caress, and smooth them.
5) BITING HER NIPPLES. Why do men fasten onto a woman's nipples, then clamp more...

1) NOT KISSING FIRST.

Avoiding her lips and diving straight for the erogenous zones makes her feel like you're paying by the hour and trying to get your money's worth by cutting out nonessentials. A properly passionate kiss is the ultimate form of foreplay.

2) BLOWING TOO HARD IN HER EAR.

Admit it, some kid at school told you girls love this. Well, there's a difference between being erotic and blowing as if you're trying to extinguish the candles on your 50th birthday cake. That hurts.

3) NOT SHAVING.

You often forget you have a porcupine strapped to your chin which you rake repeatedly across your partner's face and thighs. When she turns her head from side to side, it's not passion, it's avoidance.

4) SQUEEZING HER BREAST.

Most men act like a housewife testing a melon for ripeness when they get their hand on a pair. Stroke, caress, and soothe them.

5) BITING HER NIPPLES.

Why do men more...