Bones Jokes / Recent Jokes
Some tourists in the Chicago Museum of Natural History are marveling at the dinosaur bones. One of them asks the guard, "Can you tell me how old the dinosaur bones are?"
The guard replies, "Sure. They're sixty-five million, four years, and six months old."
"That's an awfully exact number," says the tourist. "How do you know their age so precisely?"
The guard answers, "Well, they were sixty-five million years old when I started working here, and that was four and a half years ago."
Some tourists in the Chicago Museum of Natural History are marveling at the dinosaur bones.
One of them asks the guard, "Can you tell me how old the dinosaur bones are?"
The guard replies, "They are 3 million, five years, and six months old."
"That's an awfully exact number," says the tourist. "How do you know their age so precisely?"
The guard answers, "Well, the dinosaur bones were three million years old when I started working here, and that was five and a half years ago."
Mama goes shopping and scrutinizes everything. Here is how her shopping went..Mama: "I don't like the looks of this whitefish."Merchant: "Lady, for looks you don't buy whitefish; you buy goldfish."Mama: "Oy, and this chicken, it has a broken leg."Merchant: "Look lady, you gonna eat it or dance with it?"Mama: "And before you weigh the meat, take out the bones."Merchant: "Lady, I buy with bones; you'll buy with bones."Mama: "I don't pay with bones."Merchant: "All right, no bones."Mama: "Thank you, you are a gentleman. Now put the bones in a separate bag for soup. And never mind the meat. I don't like your meat anyhow."
By Nicholas Petreley
"Sulu, set path to the floppy drive. Scotty, fit the hard drive with the Microsoft Windows 95 engine. Chekov, prepare the install disks, we're about to begin a sequel."
"Capitan, Windows 95 doesn't do SQL."
"Right. Then let's see how she performs at task speed. Scotty?"
"Captain, are you surre you want to replace the system? If ye put Windows code into a true 32-bit multitasking environment, we'll risk a matter-antimatter explosion!"
"Scotty, that's an order. "
"Aye, Captain, but she's just not rready. She needs a proper beta shakedown."
"That's what we're doing, Scotty. Chekov, how are those install disks coming?"
"We're on disk 5, sir."
"Good. Spock?"
"Fascinating, Captain. It appears as if Windows 95 is scanning our hardware and mutating to adapt."
"Then, Spock, can you tell me why it is saying it can't use the more...
A search and rescue team had been assembled and sent on a mission to find an airplane that had crashed on top of a mountain. It was their duty to rescue any survivors. After finally reaching the top of the mountain, they came upon the crash site. At the site, one lone survivor sat with his back against a tree, chewing on a bone.
As he tossed the bone onto a huge pile of bones, he noticed the rescue team.' 'Thank God'', he cried out in relief.' 'I am saved!'' The rescue team did not move, as they were in shock, seeing the pile of human bones beside this lone survivor. Obviously he had eaten his comrades.
The Survivor saw the horror in their faces and hung his own head in shame.' 'You can't judge me for this,'' he insisted.' 'I had to survive. Is it so wrong to want to live?'' The leader of the rescue team stepped forward, shaking his head in disbelief.' 'I won't judge you for doing what was necessary to survive, but my God man, your plane only went down more...
Q: Why do dogs bury bones in the ground? - A: Because you can't bury them in the sky!