Brain Jokes / Recent Jokes
Human body summoned a meeting. (Everybody attends meetings - why the body shouldn't?)
Brain was the chairman.
"I need to go to a spa," uttered Heart."
"Why?" asked Brain.
"I had two attacks, the stress endangers me."
"Well, go to rest in the spa," decided Brain.
"We need spa too," declared Lungs. "We smoke forty cigarettes a day, and breathe smog. We need it."
"OK, you will get spa."
Suddenly a thin voice appeared: "I need spa too."
"Who's that?" shouted Brain. "Stand up!"
"I wouldn't need spa if I could..."
A client of a hospital where they made brain transplantations asked about the prices. The doctor said, "Well, this Ph.D. brain costs $10,000. This brain belonged to a NASA top scientist and costs $15,000. Here we have a policeman's brain as well. It costs $50,000." The client asked, "What? How's that possible?" The doctor replied, "You see, it's totally unused."
If I ever need a brain transplant, I'd choose yours because I'd want a brain that had never been used.
All the organs of the body were having a meeting, trying to decide who was the one in charge.
"I should be in charge," said the Brain, "Because I run all the body's systems, so without me nothing would happen."
"I should be in charge," said the Blood, "Because I circulate oxygen all over so without me you'd all waste away."
"I should be in charge," said the Stomach, " Because I process food and give all of you energy."
"I should be in charge," said the Legs, "because I carry the body wherever it needs to go."
"I should be in charge," said the Eyes, "Because I allow the body to see where it goes."
"I should be in charge," said the Rectum, "Because I'm responsible for waste removal."
All the other body parts laughed at the rectum And insulted him, so in a huff, he shut down tight.
Within a few more...
A woman with a brain tumor was surprised when her doctor called her, and told her of a new, experimental brain transplant procedure. When she met with her doctor, he told her that she would require the transplant of one pound of brain. The doctor then asked, "What type of brain do you want?"
"What type?" the woman asked, "That makes a difference?"
"Yes," replied the doctor. "There is a substantial difference in price. For example, one-pound of brain from a surgeon costs $12, 000, while you can get one-pound of brain from a nuclear physicist for $15, 000, and so on. You will gain some of the qualities associated with the profession of the brain donor, so your choice can make a big difference."
"Can you give me one-pound of brain from a lawyer? Ever since I was a little girl I've dreamed of being a trial attorney."
"Sure. Let's see. That's $250, 000," the doctor replied.
"You're kidding more...
A herd of buffalo can move only as fast as the slowest buffalo, and when the herd is hunted, it is the slowest and weakest ones at the back that are killed first. This natural selection is good for the herd as a whole, because the general speed and health of the whole group keeps improving by the regular attrition of the weakest members.
In much the same way the human brain can only operate as fast as the slowest brain cells. Excessive intake of alcohol, we all know, kills brain cells, but naturally it attacks the slowest and weakest brain cells first. In this way, regular consumption of beer eliminates the weaker brain cells, making the brain a faster and more efficient machine.
That's why you always feel smarter after a few beers.