Bring Jokes / Recent Jokes

Q: Why do blonde nurses bring red magic markers to work? A: In case they have to draw blood.

(Read in a Turkish newspaper:)
Old west... A bar... All of a sudden, the door opens with a kick, and
a cowboy in black enters... Black hat, black foulard, black shirt,
black trousers, black boots, black gloves, black belt, and a black
pair of guns...
Everyone looks at him with fearful eyes. He approaches the barman, and
asks:
"Do you have a bucket?"
Barman runs inside, finds a wooden bucket, comes back. The cowboy in
black looks to the bucket, and orders:
"Now, bring me three bottles of whiskey."
Seconds later:
"Pour them into the bucket."
And, then:
"And now, bring this to my horse outside."
The frightened and surprised barman does what the cowboy in black
tells.
He finds a horse, black as night, tied in front of the bar, completely
in black harness. It drinks all the whiskey at once.
Then the barman returns back inside the bar. The cowboy very more...

When our second child was on the way, my wife and I attended a pre-birth class aimed at couples who had already had at least one child.The instructor raised the issue of breaking the news to the older child.It went like this:"Some parents," she said, "tell the older child,' We love you so much we decided to bring another child into this family.' But think about that. Ladies, what if your husband came home one day and said,' Honey, I love you so much I decided to bring home another wife.'"One of the women spoke up immediately. "Does she cook???"

Wanted FBI agents The FBI puts an Ad in the newspaper, "Wanted FBI agents." After sorting through all the applicants they narrow it down to three. They bring the first in for an interview and the interviewing agent says to the gentleman, "We are the FBI, we solemnly do the duty of the country and always put the country before ourselves. Anything asked of us, we must do. Whether we like it or not. All our agents must be totally loyal." The guy responds that he always wanted to be an FBI agent and it has been his dream.
The agent then pulls out a gun and puts it on the table. "Please, go into the next room where your wife is and shoot her."
The gentleman gets a repulsed look upon his face. "I can't do that. She is my wife and I love her with all my heart!"
The agent than says that he just isn't FBI material, but thanks him for coming down.
They then bring in the second man. The agent goes over the speel of loyalty for the more...

Three women are about to be executed.
One's a brunette, one's a redhead, and one's a blonde.
Two guards brings the brunette forward, and the executioner asks if she has any last requests.
She says no, and the executioner shouts, "Ready. . . Aim. . . "
Suddenly the brunette yells, "earthquake!!"
Everyone is startled and looks around. She manages to escape.
The angry guards then bring the redhead forward, and the executioner asks if she has any last requests.
She says no, and the executioner shouts, "Ready. . . Aim. . . "
The redhead then screams, "tornado!!"
Yet again, everyone is startled and looks around. She too escapes execution.
By this point, the blonde had figured out what the others did.
The guards bring her forward, and the executioner asks if she has any last requests.
She also says no, and the executioner shouts, "Ready. . . Aim. . . "
The blonde shouts, more...

President Bush said the recent airline bomb plot arrests are a "stark reminder" that the U.S. is "at war with Islamic fascists."
But he is confident that victory will soon belong to us, the Christian fascists.

The plot involved several people attempting to bring liquid explosives aboard several jetliners, to which airport officials responded by not allowing anyone to bring any liquid of any kind aboard.
Good thing no one was trying to bring a solid explosive as well, otherwise nothing would be allowed on board. Except for gas and plasma (which can be an unpleasant mix).

Twas the night before Christmas and one thing was clear-
that old Yuletide spirit no longer was here
inflation was rising; the crime rate was tripling;
the fuel bills were up, and our mortgage was crippling;
I opened a beer as I watched TV,
where Donny sang "O Holy Night" to Marie;
the kids were in bed, getting sleep like they should;
or else they were stoned, which was almost as good.
While Ma with her ball-point was making a fuss
'bout folks we'd send cards to who'd sent none to us;
"Those ingrates," she thundered, and pounded her fist;
"Next year you can bet they'll be crossed off our list!"
When out in the yard came a deafening blare;
'twas our burgler alarm, and I hollered, "Who's there?"
I turned on the searchlight, which lit up the night,
and, armed with my handgun, beheld a strange sight.
Some red-suited clown with a white beard immense
was caught in our eight foot more...