Capital Jokes / Recent Jokes
UNIVERSITY CHALLENGE
Bamber Gascoigne: What was Ghandi's first name?
Contestant: Goosey, Goosey?
THE WEAKEST LINK
Anne Robinson: In traffic, what "J" is where two roads meet?
Contestant: Jool carriageway.
Anne Robinson: Which Italian city is overlooked by Vesuvius?
Contestant: Bombay.
Anne Robinson: What insect is commonly found hovering above lakes?
Contestant: Crocodiles.
Anne Robinson: Wh...?
Contestant (interrupting): Pass!
Anne Robinson: In olden times, what were minstrels, travelling
entertainers or chocolate salesmen?
Contestant: Chocolate salesmen.
Anne Robinson: The Bible, the New Testament. The Four Gospels were written by Matthew, Mark, Luke and...?
Contestant: (long pause) Joe?
Anne Robinson: Who was a famous Indian leader, whose name begins with G, revered by millions, who was assassinated and received a state funeral?
Contestant: Geronimo!
NATIONAL LOTTERY JET more...
You know, luckily they have this fraud protection thing going around. It's supposed to save your butt if it's happened to you. Capital one has it, Visa, Master Card, etc. If they notice some unusual activity, they'll give you a call like this:
"Hi, this is Capital One calling. We've noticed a lot of unusual activity on your account the past couple of days, and we were just wondering if you've lost your card."
Have you ever got a call like that? It could save your credit. That practice seemed like a good idea, and, apparently, it's being used by everyone. But I don't think I could have prepared myself when I got a call last sunday afternoon that went like this:
"Hi, this is Heaven calling. We've noticed a lot of unusual activity coming from you these past couple of days, and we were just wondering if you've lost your mind."
Well, apparently, by saying yes, I saved my soul.
(But off the record, it was one hell of a weekend :-D :-D )
This guy calls in to complain that he gets an "Access Denied" message every time he logs in. It turned out he was typing his user name and password in capital letters.
Tech Support: "OK, let's try once more, but use lower case letters."
Customer: "Uh, I only have capital letters on my keyboard."
Q: Did you hear about the Frenchman who jumped into the river in Paris?
A: He was declared to be in Seine.
Fred was saying his prayers as his father passed by his bedroom door. "God bless Mommy, and God bless Daddy, and please make Calais the capital of France." "Fred," said his father, "why do you want Calais to be the capital of France?" "Because that`s what I wrote in my geography test!"
What is the Guillotine?
A French chopping centre.
Which ghost was president of France?
Charles de Ghoul.
First witch: I`m going to France tomorrow.
Second witch: Are you going by broom?
First witch: No, by hoovercraft.
A blonde was telling her friend that she was sick and tired of always being referred to as a dumb blonde. "Then do something about it and prove them wrong." her friend said. "Why not learn all the state capitals or something like that?" Thinking this was a great idea, the blonde stayed in her room for a week studying.
The next time she goes to a party some fellow starts making dumb blonde comments to her. Getting a little annoyed she says to him, "I am not a dumb blonde. As a matter of fact, I can name ALL the state capitals!" He doesn't quite believe her so she tells him to go ahead and test her.
"Alright," he says, "what's the capital of Texas?
The blonde smiles broadly in triumph and says, "Oh that's easy. It's T!"
A blonde was complaining to her friend about constantly being called a dumb blonde. Her friend tells her “go do something to prove them wrong! Why don’t you learn all the state capitals or something? ” The blonde thinks this is a great idea, and locks herself up for two weeks studying.
The next party she goes to, some guy is making dumb blonde comments to her. She gets all indignant and claims, “I’m NOT a dumb blonde. In fact, I can name ALL the state capitals! ”
The guy doesn’t believe her, so she dares him to test her. He says, “Okay, what’s the Capital of Montana? ”
The blonde tosses her hair in triumph and says, “That’s easy! It’s M! ”