Care Jokes / Recent Jokes

A newlywed couple returned to their apartment after being on their honeymoon."Care to go upstairs and do it?" the husband asked."Shh!" said the bride "All the neighbors will know what we're about to do. These walls are paper thin. In the future, we'll have to ask each other in code. For example, how about asking, 'Have you left the washing machine door open' instead?"So, the following night, the husband asks, "I don't suppose you left the washing machine door open, did you?""No, I definitely shut it," replied the wife who rolled over and fell asleep.When she woke up however, she was feeling a little frisky herself and she nudged her husband and said, "I think I did leave the washing machine door open after all. Would you like to do some washing?""No, thanks," said the husband. "It was only a small load so I did it by hand."

In prison, you get three square meals a day. At home, you cook three square meals a day and try to get your kids to eat it. In prison, you get an hour each day in the yard to exercise and mingle. At home you get to clean the yard up so you can mow it so your kids can spread more toys all over it so that you can go out and clean it again because little Jr. can't sleep without his latest lego creation. In prison, you get to watch TV, cable even. At home, you get to listen to your children fight over the remote control and get treated to hours and hours of mindless cartoons thanks to cable. In prison, you can read whatever you want and attend college for free. At home, you get to read weekly readers starring Dick, Jane, and Spot and worry about how to send Jr. to college and still be able to eat for the next twenty years. In prison, all your medical care is free. At home, you have to pawn your mother's silver and fill out trillions of papers for insurance and hope the doctor will see you more...

If you do not care where you are, then you aren't lost.

It is with great regret and sorrow that I'm writing this. I had to elope with my new girlfriend because I wanted to avoid a scene with you.
I've been finding real passion with Barbara and she is so nice even with all her piercing, tattoos, and her tight motorcycle clothes. But it's not only the passion mom, she's pregnant and Barbara said that we will be very happy.
Even though you don't care for her as she is much older than I, she already owns a trailer in the woods and has a stack of firewood for the whole winter. She wants to have many more children with me and that's now one of my dreams too.
Barbara taught me that marijuana doesn't really hurt anyone and we'll be growing it for ourselves and trading it with her friends for all the cocaine and ecstasy we want.
And I love her 1700cc Harley Davidson also. We make weekly trips to her parole office on it and it rides beautifully. Both of us look very cute when we go tearing down the freeway at 120 mph..
Don't more...

1. Illiterate? Write today for free help.2. Auto Repair Service. Free pick-up and delivery. Try us once, you'll never go anywhere again.3. Our experienced Mom will care for your child. Fenced yard, meals, and smacks included.4. Dog for sale: eats anything and is fond of children.5. Man wanted to work in dynamite factory. Must be willing to travel.6. Stock up and save. Limit: one.7. Semi-Annual after-Christmas Sale.8. 3-year old teacher needed for pre-school. Experience preferred.9. Mixing bowl set designed to please a cook with round bottom for efficient beating.10. Girl wanted to assist magician in cutting-off-head illusion. Blue Cross and salary.11. Dinner Special - Turkey $2. 35; Chicken or Beef $2. 25; Children = $2.0012. For sale: antique desk suitable for lady with thick legs and large drawers.13. Now is your chance to have your ears pierced and get an extra pair to take home, too.14. We do not tear your clothing with machinery. We do it carefully by hand.15. For sale. Three more...

I don't care if my wife leaves me...just so long as she leaves me enough.

Men
1. All men are extremely busy.
2. Although they are so busy, they still have time for women.
3. Although they still have time for women, they don't really care for them.
4. Although they don't really care for them, they always have one around.
5. Although they always have one around them, they always try their luck with others.
Women:
1. The most important thing for a woman is financial security.
2. Although this is so important, they still go out and buy expensive clothes and stuff.
3. Although they always buy expensive clothes, they never have something to wear.
4. Although they never have something to wear, they always dress beautifully.
5. Although they always dress beautifully, their clothes are always just "an old rag".
6. Although their clothes are always "just an old rag", they still expect you to compliment them.
7. Although they expect you to compliment them, when you do, they don't more...