Carry Jokes / Recent Jokes

British Military Officer Fitness ReportsThe British Military writes OFR's (officer fitness reports). The form usedfor Royal Navy and Marines fitness reports is the S206. The following areactual excerpts taken from people's "206's".... - His men would follow him anywhere, but only out of curiosity. - I would not breed from this Officer. - This Officer is really not so much of a has-been, but more of a definitely won't-be. - When she opens her mouth, it seems that this is only to change whichever foot was previously in there. - He has carried out each and every one of his duties to his entire satisfaction. - He would be out of his depth in a car park puddle. - Technically sound, but socially impossible. - This Officer reminds me very much of a gyroscope - always spinning around at a frantic pace, but not really going anywhere. - This young lady has delusions of adequacy. - When he joined my ship, this Officer was something of a granny; since then he has aged considerably. - more...

Two unemployed guys are talking. One says, "I'm going to become a lion tamer."
The other replies, "That's crazy, you don't know nothing about no lion taming."
"Yes I do!"
"Well, OK, answer me this. When one of those lions comes at you all roaring and biting, what you gonna do?"
"Well, then I take that big chair they all carry, and I stick it in his face until he backs down."
"Well, what if the lion takes that big paw, and hooks the chair with them big claws, and throws that chair out of the cage? What do you do then?"
"Well, then I takes that whip they all carry, and I whip him and whip him until he backs down."
"Well, what if that lion bites that whip with his big teeth, and bites it in two? What you gonna do then?"
"Well, then I take that gun they all carry, and I shoot him."
"Well, what if that gun doesn't work? What will you do more...

It is a myth that when a son gets married and a new daughter-in-law arrives in the family, everything changes. The new wife (progressive Indian woman), was being welcomed at the husband`s home in a traditional manner. As expected she gave a speech, "My dear family, I thank you for welcoming me in my new home and family, firstly, my being here does not mean that I would want to change your way of life, your routine. No, I will never do that, never in a million years." "What do you mean my child?" asked the father-in-law. "What I mean dad is (looking at her in-laws); Those who used to wash the dishes must carry on washing them. Those who used to do the laundry must carry on doing it. Those who cooked should not stop at my account, AND Those who used to clean should continue cleaning! !! "And what are you here for Bahurani?" enquired the mother-in-law. "AS FOR ME, I`M HERE JUST TO ENTERTAIN YOUR SON! !!"

The British Military writes OFR's (officer fitness reports). The form used
for Royal Navy and Marines fitness reports is the S206. The following are
actual excerpts taken from people's "206's"....
- His men would follow him anywhere, but only out of curiosity.
- I would not breed from this Officer.
- This Officer is really not so much of a has-been,
but more of a definitely won't-be.
- When she opens her mouth, it seems that this is only to change
whichever foot was previously in there.
- He has carried out each and every one of his duties to his entire
satisfaction.
- He would be out of his depth in a car park puddle.
- Technically sound, but socially impossible.
- This Officer reminds me very much of a gyroscope - always spinning around
at a frantic pace, but not really going anywhere.
- This young lady has delusions of adequacy.
- When he joined my ship, this Officer was something of a granny; more...

A tourist was being led through the swamps of Florida. "Is it true," he asked, "that an alligator wont attack you if you carry a flashlight?""That depends," replied the guide, "on how fast you carry the flashlight."

Why do postmen carry letters? Because the letters can't go anywhere by themselves.

It is illegal to paint polka dots on the American flag. People may not buy a mattress on Sunday. It is illegal to pretend that one's parents are rich. When two trains come to a crossing, neither shall go until the other has passed.All lollipops are banned. A law to reduce crime states: "It is mandatory for a motorist with criminal intentions to stop at the city limits and telephone the chief of police as he is entering the town."Bremerton: You may not shuck peanuts on the street. Everett: It is illegal to display a hypnotized or allegedly hypnotized person in a store window. Lynden: Dancing and drinking may not occur at the same establishment. Seattle: You may not carry a concealed weapon that is over six feet in lengthSeattle: Women who sit on men's laps on buses or trains without placing a pillow between them face an automatic six-month jail term. Seattle: No one may set fire to another person's property without prior permission. Seattle: It is illegal to carry a fishbowl more...