Catalog Jokes / Recent Jokes

I found this blurb in the USAir Gift Catalog ("This catalog is yours to keep.
Please take it with you!") recently. Quoted without permission:
GOPHER-IT
Prevent damage to garden and lawns from burrowing rodents
with Gopher-It, the electronic stake that emits vibration
and sound that's intensely annoying to underground rodents
up to 100 feet in diameter.
Requires 4 "D" batteries, not included.
#26284 Gopher-It $49.95 (3.95)
I suppose for rodents of greater than 100 feet in diameter you need the
nuclear powered version.

Santa and Banta were looking at a catalog and admiring the models. Santa says to the Banta, "Have you seen the beautiful girls in this catalog?" Banta replies, "Yes, they are very beautiful. And look at the price!" Santa says, with wide eyes, "Wow, they aren`t very expensive. At this price, I`m buying one." Banta smiles and pats him on the back, "Good idea! Order one and if she`s as beautiful as she is in the catalog, I will get one too." Three weeks later, Banta asks Santa, "Did you ever receive the girl you ordered from the catalog?" Santa replies, "No, but it shouldn`t be long now. I got her