Catch Jokes / Recent Jokes
Judi was startled to see the nonchalant way Jon was taking the fact that his lady love was seen with another man.
"You said you love her and yet you saw her with another man and you didn't knock the guy down?"
"I'm waiting," Jon said.
"Waiting for what?" asked Judi.
"Waiting to catch her with a smaller fellow."
CAT MIRACLE DIET: Most diets fail because we are still thinking and eating like people. For those us who have never had any success dieting. Well now there is the new Miracle Cat Diet!
Except for cats that eat like people -- such as getting lots of table scraps -- most cats are long and lean (or tiny and petite). the Cat Miracle Diet will help you achieve the same lean, svelte figure. Just follow this diet for one week and you'll find that you not only look and feel better, but you will have a whole new outlook on what con- stitutes food. Good Luck!
DAY ONE Breakfast: Open can of expensive gourmet cat food. Any flavor as long as it cost more than. 75 per can -- and place 1/4 cup on your plate. Eat 1 bite of food; look around room disdainfully. Knock the rest on the floor. Stare at the wall for awhile before stalking off into the other room.
Lunch: Four blades of grass and one lizard tail. Throw it back up on the cleanest carpet in your more...
A policeman was interrogating 3 blondes who were training to become detectives. To test their skills in recognizing a suspect, he shows the first blonde a picture for 5 second and then hides it. "This is your suspect, how would you recognize him?" The first blonde answers, "That's easy, we'll catch him fast because he only has one eye!" The policeman says, "Well...uh...that's because the picture shows his PROFILE." Slightly flustered by this ridiculous response, he flashes the picture for 5 seconds at the second blonde and asks her, "This is your suspect, how would you recognize him?" The second blonde giggles, flips her hair and says, "Ha! He'd be too easy to catch because he only has one ear!" The policeman angrily responds, "What's the matter with you two?? Of course only one eye and one ear are SHOWING because it's a picture of his profile!! Is that the best ans wer you can come up with?" Extremely frustrated at this more...
A young blonde was onvacation in the depths of Louisiana. She wanted a pair of genuine alligator shoes in theworst way, but was very reluctant to pay the high prices the local vendors were asking.After becoming veryfrustrated with the "no haggle" attitude of one of the shopkeepers, the blondeshouted, "Maybe I'll just go out and catch my own alligator so I can get a pair ofshoes at a reasonable price!"The shopkeeper said,"By all means, be my guest. Maybe you'll luck out and catch yourself a big one!"Determined, the blonde turned and headed for the swamps, set on catching herself analligator. Later in the day, the shopkeeper was driving home, when he spotted the young woman standing waist deep in the water, shotgun in hand. Just then, he saw a huge 9-foot alligator swimming quickly towardher. She took aim, killed the creature, and with a great deal of effort hauled it on to theswamp bank. Lying nearby were several more of the dead creatures. The shopkeeper more...
A fire breaks out in Houston, a woman and her baby are trapped on the eleventh floor.
A man steps out from the crowd " I am Billy' Whiteshoes' Johnson -- ten time all star receiver...toss me your baby.. I will catch it!"
So, the woman tosses her baby down. Billy Johnson runs back jumps up and makes a beautiful one handed catch. Does a little dance and then spikes the baby down on the ground as if it were a football!
One morning a boy got up and was leaving the house with a hand full of chicken wire. His father said, 'Son, where are you going?' The son replied, 'I'm going to catch me some chickens.' The father said, 'Son, you can't catch chickens with chicken wire.' But the son insisted that he knew what he was doing.
Later on that day, the son came home with two chickens in his hand. The father thought, 'I guess he knows what he's doing.' The next morning, the son got up and was leaving the house with some duck tape. The father said, 'Son, where are you going?' The son replied, 'I'm going to catch some ducks.' The father yelled, 'You can't catch ducks with duct tape!' The son insisted that he knew what he was doing.
Awhile later, the son came home with two ducks under each arm. The father thought, 'Shoot, I guess he does know what he's doing!' The next morning the son got up and was leaving the house with a hand full of pussywillows. The father said, 'Hold up, son, let me put on my shoes!'
An American investment banker was at the pier of a small coastal Mexican village when a small boat with just one fisherman docked. Inside the small boat were several large yellow fin tuna. The American complimented the Mexican on the quality of his fish and asked how long it took to catch them. The Mexican replied, "Only a little while." The American then asked, "Why didn't you stay out longer and catch more fish?" The Mexican said, "With this I have more than enough to support my family's needs." The American then asked, "But what do you do with the rest of your time?" The Mexican fisherman said, "I sleep late, fish a little, play with my children, take siesta with my wife, Maria, stroll into the village each evening where I sip wine and play guitar with my amigos, I have a full and busy life."
The American scoffed, "I am a Harvard MBA and could help you. You should spend more time fishing; and with the proceeds, buy a more...